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THE BEAUTY IN AGEING

26/12/2020

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​Our January topic of conversation is The Beauty in Ageing and in this month’s edition we have three articles in particular where the authors offer some of their own insights and understanding of the ageing process: ‘Only Skin Deep’ from Kathryn, ‘Growing Out the Greys’ from Suzanne and ‘Magnificence at Play’ from Sandra.
​The beauty in ageing can be expressed in many ways. For some it can be about how they view themselves as they age, without judgement and thereby lovingly accepting the tell-tale lines on their face and the sagging skin as the body loses muscle tone, still able to see the beauty in this phase of life.
 
If caught in judgement, there are a trillion expectations, ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ we can ‘buy into’ that inhibit our ability to lovingly hold and care for ourselves as we age.
 
For others it is the absolute delight in getting to that age where they can let go of worrying about what others think. Expressing more freely without trying to second-guess what others will be comfortable with, choosing clothes that feel beautiful on their body rather than a ‘look’ to gain approval, so being more authentic.
 
It could be that for some, retirement and letting go of the burdens of holding down a job, raising a family and paying off the mortgage is finding the beauty in ageing, while for others it might be more about an appreciation of how they’ve developed as a person over the years, recognising how much they’ve grown and how that has allowed them to live with more harmony and wisdom in their relationships.
 
We invite you to share with us anything you have noticed about yourself and others that might help to expand our awareness regarding the beauty of ageing.
4 Comments

STAYING ENGAGED – UN-RETIRING

1/12/2020

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​This month we continue our topic of conversation Staying Engaged ~ Un-Retiring. Our retirement years are the time of life that many of us look forward to, a long-awaited period that can offer constant relaxation and a reprieve away from the stresses of the workplace.

There’s often an opportunity to travel for extended periods or to take up a hobby or that art class we’ve always wanted to do. There is a myriad of things we will have on our ‘to do’ list for when we reach that magic age of retirement. 

​It sounds idyllic, however, do these activities really bring us fulfilment and true inner contentment during our elder years? 
This month we have three very inspiring articles for you to read.  Un-Retiring by Sandra, Never Too Old by Mary and Misconceptions of Ageing by Gill and Christina.

Their journeys are unique to them but relevant to us all when we live our retirement years with purpose and a commitment to staying engaged with others, we can have very fulfilling, rewarding and happy ‘retirement years’.
 
Last month we also had two very inspiring articles written on this subject. They were Unfolding from Within – Un-retiring by Bernadette and Purpose by Catherine. Both of these authors discovered that un-retirement for them is about an inner journey, a deeper connection to themselves and the importance of bringing that part of themselves to the world around them
 
Let’s continue this conversation knowing that our stories can inspire others to look forward to their ‘un-retiring’ elder years.
7 Comments

SELF-ENTITLEMENT

1/10/2020

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In October, our conversation delves further into the discussion about self-entitlement and the ways this belief impacts our lives. Sharing her experience as a teenager Sandra has commented, “Self-entitlement takes everything for granted and offers very little in return” while Gayle has written about her observation of a thoughtless incident in a carpark (or maybe not so thought-less) where she heard a woman say,  "Oh yes, you go ahead, your needs are greater than mine."
In the Google dictionary the meaning of self-entitlement is depicted as someone who believes they are more deserving than another, privileged and more important i.e., what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine.

In her article, Family and Self Entitlement (link title of article), Sue writes, “This also supported me in detaching from my sense of entitlement with my blood family. Just because we are blood related doesn’t mean we owe them any more than we would anyone else, or that they owe us.”

Self-entitlement creates a sense of separation and individualism and is at the core of all wars, domestic violence, murder, paedophilia, greed, corruption and all our relationship issues. It’s why we have the global catastrophe of refugees who find themselves homeless in a world where others feel more entitled to live their way exclusively, resulting in enormous human tragedy.

Without this sense of entitlement, we’d be left with humility and the true understanding of equality and brotherhood. It begins with the most subtle thoughts such as “What do I need?” and ends with “I’m entitled to do or say whatever suits me”.
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To what degree have you noticed how self-entitlement imposes on others and impacts our communities? We’d love you to join us in this discussion and share your interpretation of what it means to be self-entitled and how you see it playing out in your own life and the world around you.
8 Comments

SELF-ENTITLEMENT

1/9/2020

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This month we are discussing self-entitlement and the ways this belief impacts our lives. So what is self-entitlement? In the Google dictionary the meaning of self-entitlement is depicted as someone who believes they are more deserving than another, privileged and more important, i.e. what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine.
In her article, Entitled To Be Human, Bernadette writes, “Entitlement likes us to believe that we are someone, a someone who puts the needs of ourself first, rather than in consideration that we are part of one humanity, and the one universe.”

Self-entitlement creates a sense of separation and individualism and is at the core of all wars, domestic violence, murder, paedophilia, greed, corruption and all our relationship issues. It’s why we have the global catastrophe of refugees who find themselves homeless in a world where others feel more entitled to live their way exclusively, resulting in enormous human tragedy.

Without this sense of entitlement, we’d be left with humility and the true understanding of equality and brotherhood. It begins with the most subtle thoughts such as “what do I need” and ends with “I’m entitled to do or say whatever suits me”.

In her article, Every Day Self-Entitlement, Gayle states, “There are nearly 8 billion people on the planet. If we all push through life led by self-interest, it will be a harsh, combative world.” 
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To what degree have you noticed how self-entitlement imposes on others and impacts our communities? We’d love you to join us in this discussion and share your interpretation of what it means to be self-entitled and how you see it playing out in your own life and the world around you.
8 Comments

Connection and Loneliness

2/8/2020

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Our July/August topic for conversation is Connection & Loneliness. Connection to ourselves or others has many different meanings or understandings for each of us and loneliness can be a really debilitating and heart-breaking phase of life, particularly in our elder years.   We are exploring what effect connection may have on loneliness, the possible link between them and the ways in which we might address this sense of ‘feeling alone’. 
​We would love to hear from you about what connection is for you – is it something you are aware of and actively practise, and if you’ve experienced loneliness, how did you overcome it?    

We know that loneliness has tended to be a significant factor of growing older for many elders and can be the result of situations such as one’s own ill health or that of a partner, or impaired mobility. It can also be a period where the network of family and friends has diminished due to having to manage their own ageing issues. All of which can result in a sense that our world or lifestyle sphere has become smaller, less safe and out of touch with the world outside our door.
 
In her article, Loneliness as We Age, Lynne talks about her mother’s loneliness during the early stages of dementia and how a sense of purpose gave her mother a reprieve, ‘Spending time with this gorgeous old woman, who was always pleased to see her, gave Mum a purpose for her day so she felt better and the depression and loneliness lifted a lot. Within roughly eight weeks, the old lady had died and Mum drifted back into her sadness again and her depression and loneliness came back and she’s not ventured into reaching out to others in that way again.
7 Comments

Finding Myself Within

1/6/2020

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In past eras it was thought that to ‘find oneself’ we had to go on arduous journeys like climbing to the highest mountain peak or trekking through the Himalayas and sitting in a cave for years or becoming a monk and meditating for hours each day. However, that may not be everybody’s way!  ​
For some it may involve being in nature or making time to do something you’ve always loved but felt you couldn’t or shouldn’t prioritise. Rosemary has written an article ‘Looking Everywhere to Find Myself’  in which she shares that she chose to write a book about her search for the real meaning of Life.
 
Could it be that to ‘find oneself’ it may be as simple as listening to our own body and allowing the impulses within to guide us with everything we do in life, from the most difficult situations to the mundane everyday tasks such as how to breathe,  what food is most nourishing for our own body,  when and how to exercise and when to rest. Is it possible that by not allowing the mind to override our bodily wisdom we then have more clarity and a deeper sense of who we are?
 
There is, of course, a myriad of paths one can take to truly find the Inner Self.
 
In the May Conversation, Gayle commented,  “…..I've tried many, many, MANY ways of finding myself. Most of the time, it didn't work. And the times that I thought something worked, it didn't really last! I am finally on the right track because every day I feel like I am living more of my True Self. I'm quite dedicated to a journey of evolving and expanding my consciousness in order to find my true self.”
 
We look forward to you posting what finding yourself means to you – was it a life-time search or was it something you delved into in your elder years?
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Let’s continue this very meaningful and relevant topic that will bring many new insights into our current topic of ‘Finding Myself Within’.

21 Comments

ADAPTING TO CHANGE

28/2/2020

26 Comments

 
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Back in September last year our Topic of Conversation was focused on Accepting Impermanence is the Nature of Human Existence which certainly provoked a lot of comments from our readers.  This month we are extending this topic to focus on Adapting to Change in our Lives. If we accept change, then do we automatically adapt to the change?  
​Accepting or Adapting . . . do these two words conjure up a different meaning for many of us?  Do they necessarily follow on one after the other?

If we understood that everything in our existence is transitory, then we would be able to accept that changes to the way we live and our relationships with family and friends will not remain fixed. Accepting life’s changes is one thing, but is adapting to the change sometimes put in the ‘too-hard’ basket? 
 
What do we mean by being adaptable? Is it just allowing flexibility and a willingness to try a different way, responding with a different attitude, or to solve a problem without any angst or anxiousness? Perhaps you would like to share with us how you have adapted to the changes in your life.
 
In her article, Flexibility and Adaptability to Change, Bernadette expressed: 

Change ushers in the new, it feels like an expansion and a step into the unknown. To be in the flow of life with the changes enables more steadiness and appreciation for whatever each new day brings.
 
Our topic of conversation for this month is an opportunity for our readers to comment on how they have adapted to changes in their lives. We invite you to share your experiences of how adaptability has shaped the way you live, and how you have accepted and responded to changing circumstances in your life.
26 Comments

NEW CYCLES / NEW BEGINNINGS

30/1/2020

4 Comments

 
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In February we are celebrating articles that have been written by men.  The common element to these articles is that their stories tell of how they felt the need to make changes in their lives and how they went about bringing a new cycle into their everyday living. Each of the articles are personal and reflect the individual writer’s processes they went through to make the changes and thus start a new cycle. ​
​There was no waiting for the first day of the first month of the new year to make the changes, they answered their own personal call to do so at the time of their realisations. Everyone knows what is good for them and what is not, simply because we feel when something is wrong, either it is our body displaying some discomfort, illness or disease or it is our moods and troubling thoughts. We cannot escape that knowing, but we can ignore, numb and deny it – but only for a while – because it will inevitably catch up with us.
 
Reading the male perspective of wanting to make changes in their lives is thought provoking, especially as men usually are reticent about acknowledging they feel their life is not as meaningful as they would like it to be.
 
Our Conversation for February is asking our readers to comment on their experiences with coming to the end of a cycle and beginning a new one. You don’t have to post a comment from the male perspective, however, if you do have a story to tell about the man in your life making changes and starting a new cycle, we feel our readers would enjoy reading it.
4 Comments

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS AND/OR NEW CYCLES

31/12/2019

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January 2020 is here and, not only is it the first month of a new year, it is the beginning of a new decade. Being the beginning of a new cycle, the ‘NewYear’ often represents for people a time to have an honest look at their lives and many make New Year’s Resolutions in an attempt to make the changes they see are needed.
​In essence everyone knows what is good for them and what is not, simply because we feel when something is wrong, either it is our body displaying some discomfort, illness or disease or it is our moods and troubling thoughts. We cannot escape that knowing but we can ignore, numb and deny it – but only for a while – because it will inevitably catch up with us at some point. 

This first month of the new year is often a time when we are willing to examine ourselves more deeply.
 
We would like to hear from you whether you feel there is something about this first month of the new year that feels more significant? Why is it that many of us are prompted by the ‘New Year’ to take stock and get an overview of our life? Is it because we have  sense of it being the end of a cycle and the beginning of another? If so, why do we wait until the new year to start a cycle when every day, every moment is the opportunity for a new beginning?
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Our Topic of Conversation for January is asking our readers to comment on their experiences with coming to the end of a cycle and beginning a new one.

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If you are someone who makes New Year’s Resolutions have they worked for you or have you found it hard to carry them through? What has supported you to commit to the changes you felt to make in your life? 

We invite you to share your comments  by clicking on the comments button below.​  ​
4 Comments

TRUE CARE

30/11/2019

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​True care begins with self care. When we truly care for ourselves with regard to our physical and psychological well-being, our body is able to respond with more vitality and harmony. We are then able to share these qualities with others in our care, whether they are children, someone experiencing an illness, or a loved one at the end of life. 
True Care is a deep level of nurturing. It is an inner quality of knowing and connection with ourselves or with others for whom we are caring.
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“True care is felt through the love that is expressed . . . True care is love in activity and comes into every interaction we have with a person who is dying.” These words are written in our article by a death and dying writing team, and you can read it on the Death and Dying page Personal Sharings.

And from Ingrid, a member of our team: “True care is doing what is needed and not imposing - you can’t bring your own emotional baggage when caring for someone. 

True care is doing what is needed and not imposing on another. Hence, as a carer, it is not only important to know how to truly care for someone else but also how to truly care for yourself. We need to respect, regard and listen to our body, to be more loving and gentle with ourselves and more accepting and understanding, so that we can do the same for other people.”

We continue this month with our topic of True Care and would welcome more comments on how True Care is love in activity. This topic is one that should be very relevant and meaningful to us all as we age and either look after a loved one or need looking after ourself by another.

We invite you to share your comments with regard to your experience and understanding of True Care.  Simply click on the comments button below.​  
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​Accepting Impermanence is the Nature of human Existence.

31/8/2019

18 Comments

 
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​We might think that impermanence relates particularly to situations where we fear losing something or someone, eg. the death of a parent or partner, the end of a relationship or the loss of a job. It is, however, the nature of our whole human existence.
 
If we understood that everything in our existence is transitory then we would be able to accept that changes to the way we live and our relationships with family and friends will not remain fixed in any way. We would then be more open to accepting the changes that signal to us that impermanence is part of the natural flow of life.
 
But how often do we hear the saying, “I hate change . . . I wish things could always stay the same’!
 
When we are not willing to accept change, it may be that we are feeling anxious about the future, or that we are clinging to our need for stability and security.

Do we have an inbuilt trait to want to control life’s happenings?
 
Our topic of conversation for this month is an opportunity for our readers to comment on how we feel about the impermanence of life. We invite you to share your experiences of how impermanence has shaped the way you live, and how you have responded to changing circumstances in your life.
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OUR FUTURE - LET'S CELEBRATE

1/7/2019

23 Comments

 
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What does the energy of us being in celebration offer to the rest of the world? Our joyous way radiates out and makes a difference as it shows how it is possible to age joyfully and purposefully.
​Have you noticed how some people ignore the joyful ones, others observe and wonder how someone can be joyful in their elder years?  Some want it, some don’t!
​This month we continue with our topic of conversation  'Our Future, Let’s Celebrate,' and we are keen to hear from our readers what you see there is to celebrate in your Elder Years.

When we were younger celebrating might have been something exciting like a birthday party with all its ‘bells and whistles’, or it might have been any event that was exciting and stimulating – usually needing ‘others’ to join in the celebration. Now in our elder years ‘celebrate’ has taken on a deeper meaning: to honour, observe, recognise, acknowledge and appreciate the beauty of us being in ‘Full Bloom’.

Before posting a comment you may like to read our new  article on the Wisdom of Elders page, 'Beauty in Full Bloom'.

To add to the conversation, please click on the 'Comments link' below the 'Like' Button.
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WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD? PART 3: HOW CAN WE PREPARE FOR OUR FUTURE?

31/5/2019

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 So, what does the future hold for us? Will it mean that elders will need to be proactive in all decision-making processes whether it is personal, physical or political?

​Yes, definitely – empowerment for elders is in our hands – now and in the future but only if we are actively engaged in our commitment to life during these final decades.
 
It is really important, as we move into our elder years, to give our life meaning and to stay committed to living a fully engaged life.   

Learning and growing is not just the domain of the young, we are just as capable, if not more, of beginning a new phase in learning and growing in our elder years. This is the time when we can explore more deeply what interests us and all those things that we would have loved to have done that we had previously been too busy to include in our life.  

All of this contributes to us having a beautiful purpose as we age by developing a deeper understanding and realisation of what life has to offer us.
 

It is up to us to change the pictures and labels that we may be carrying around ageing, and to alter the reality of how many of the aged are treated, so that we are setting the model for generations coming after us. We invite you to share with us how you are remaining committed to living a fully engaged life.  Perhaps you would like to share how you are learning and growing through exploring more deeply what you had previously been too busy to include in our life. We look forward to reading your comments.

Before posting any comments if you have not already done so, you may also like to read the new article this month 'What Does Our Future Hold Part 3: How Can we Prepare for Our future?'
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WHAT DOES OUR FUTURE HOLD?

31/3/2019

12 Comments

 
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​The World Health Organization  is predicting an enormous rise in the numbers of older persons throughout the world. In fact, our world will contain more people over 60 than under 15. Do we need to change the commonly accepted picture that is currently held about ageing and how the aged are treated? There is a rising urgency for everyone, including governments, to start looking at what the future holds for this predicted two billion elders.
Whilst longer life spans are on the increase, and though we may celebrate this, is this really a good statistic, or is it that most older people are simply living longer in poor health and needing nursing home care for the later years of their life?
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How do you feel about this topic, ‘What Does the Future Hold’ for our elder generation and what are your experiences and ponderings as to how you will contribute to changing the present paradigm held by society?

Before posting any comments if you have not already done so, you may also like to read last month's article 'Ageing in Society - What Does our Future Hold?' and the new article this month '​​What Does Our Future Hold?  Part 2: Empowerment for Elders'.
12 Comments

SELF CARE FOR THE CARER

30/1/2019

24 Comments

 
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Often with an ageing couple, one person deteriorates faster than the other and then the healthier partner suddenly finds themselves as the primary care giver sometimes with no prior experience or training in looking after someone who is approaching end of life. As a carer, it is not only important to know how to truly care for someone else but also how to truly care for yourself.
​Some days are really bad and it is challenging for a carer to watch a loved one in distress not knowing if they are going to die today, tonight, in a few months, or in a year’s time. 
 
The carer needs to take great care to support their body because they have to be fit enough to handle these emotional ups and downs as well as being physically fit to do all the necessary tasks.
 
The more carers can support themselves, the more easily they can cope with the challenges each day presents.

​Please join our conversation topic for this month and share any experience where you have  been in the situation of caring for a sick or dying person and if so, how did you cope?

You may also like to read this month's articles 'Good Days and Bad Days' and 'No True Care without Self Care'.
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