JOY OF AGEING ESOTERICALLY
  • Home
  • ABOUT
  • THE BOOK
    • TESTIMONIALS
    • BOOK OUTLETS
  • ARTICLES
    • BOOK REVIEWS
    • VIDEOS
    • WISDOM OF ELDERS
    • Elders in the Community
    • Ageing Joyfully
    • Relationships
    • HEALTH & WELLBEING
    • Exercise
    • Meditation & Yoga
    • Self Care
    • Depression & Anxiety
    • DEATH AND DYING >
      • Reflections on Living and Dying
      • Personal Sharings
      • Legal documents - Australia
      • Legal Documents - UK
  • Join a Conversation
  • Contact
  • Home
  • ABOUT
  • THE BOOK
    • TESTIMONIALS
    • BOOK OUTLETS
  • ARTICLES
    • BOOK REVIEWS
    • VIDEOS
    • WISDOM OF ELDERS
    • Elders in the Community
    • Ageing Joyfully
    • Relationships
    • HEALTH & WELLBEING
    • Exercise
    • Meditation & Yoga
    • Self Care
    • Depression & Anxiety
    • DEATH AND DYING >
      • Reflections on Living and Dying
      • Personal Sharings
      • Legal documents - Australia
      • Legal Documents - UK
  • Join a Conversation
  • Contact

TRYING TO STOP TRYING

2/2/2022

11 Comments

 
Picture
For our February Topic of Conversation, Trying to Stop Trying, we are continuing to explore how and why we get caught in this belief. How many of us have traditionally begun the new year with a ‘new year’s resolution’? We decide that we’re going to start the year with a renewed intention, setting ourselves up trying to achieve that which we didn’t achieve last year. 
There are heaps of new year’s resolutions we can no doubt relate to, i.e., ‘I’m going to lose X kilos by March’, ‘I’m going to finish my diploma by June’, ‘I’m going to be a better person this year and not fight with my partner or mother’, and on they go.

However, the very nature of trying brings a hardness into our body and puts us into drive which ultimately exhausts us. So, what is it about trying and why do we constantly find ourselves trying hard to get the job done, trying to achieve this and that, and trying to be better in some way?

There’s an ideal in our society that to succeed one must achieve. We must be well educated, have a great career and do well at it. Whatever our choice of career or desire, it has generally meant striving to achieve it. Trying has been championed, but at what expense to our general health; and it appears to have saturated our lives with devastating results. Caffeine and sugar usage is through the roof as people, feeling exhausted, try to get through another day.

If we look back at how we’ve been in our life and focus on how we’ve lived in just one day, we will no doubt find that we’ve been trying most of the day. To simply get out of bed, go for our walk, eat breakfast (if we made time to do that) and prepare for work, many of us would have been rushing about before we even left the house let alone the drive that we went into during our working day.

Has this momentum set us up to continue the trying even after we retire from work, leaving us unable to deeply rest and live more surrendered in our bodies?

For those of us who are still in the workforce, are we still trying and still exhausting ourselves or have some of us realised the folly of this and found a more supportive and healthy way to move through our day? We would love to hear your experience.

This month there are two incredibly insightful articles where the authors are sharing their observations, ‘What Makes us Want to Try?’ and ‘Trying = Effort'.
11 Comments
Sandra Newland
4/1/2022 05:25:54 pm

I am super aware of any trying or effort at the moment as I am recovering from surgery and am needing a great deal of rest. This morning I was able to do a few things and enjoyed the movements and being able to attend to each task with presence and care. Then something unexpected came up which meant I had to get ready to go out and I found I was getting ahead of myself and rushing. My body was getting tense, the wound was hurting more and my breathing was getting shallow. I stopped and realised that I was adding in things that did not really need to be addressed just then. I then looked at what actually had to be addressed and it was doable within the available space.

I realised that this is a behaviour that I often get caught in due to a false idea of 'efficiency' which crams so much in that I then feel squeezed, stressed and need to go into drive to get everything done. For example, I might be going for a walk at the beach so I'll fit other things in on the way to save me another trip out which means that a spacious walk might end up being squeezed in between a lot of doing. Added to that, when I am on a momentum like that I miss the opportunity to respond to what might be on offer.

Why do I do this? It seems that it is a deliberate sabotage of the ease, flow and stillness which is natural to me. It is as if thoughts are being fed to me to crowd out any sense of space, for when there is space, the day flows and seems effortless and I feel at-one with everyone and everything.

Reply
Gillian Rae
4/1/2022 05:35:11 pm

Thank you for sharing your articles of trying. When I stop, I actually feel a sadness at how much I try - all the time I do this I’m ignoring myself. The work is set up like this, from being a little kid taking your first step, falling, simply in the joy of getting up and doing it again, but in comes the pressure through parents, try again, or trying to be taught to say things to keep others happy, say mum, say dad…. Then to the education system that is built on trying, competition, comparison and reward, constantly being told we’re not enough ‘good effort, try harder next time’ and over the years this erodes our self-worth and sense of self. Even trying to improve our lives, trying to have a baby etc. I’m just imaging that we were brought up knowing how amazing we are first - totally different story, we could still try our best but it would not define who we are, or our worth in life.

Reply
Gayle
7/1/2022 09:46:58 am

Sandra, I was experiencing the very same - having received a phone call from friends asking me if I could come care for their 8 month old for a couple of hours this morning while they attend an on-line meeting. I had the space so said yes, but it did mean I had to reschedule what I had planned for the day. What could I 'squeeze in' before I went over their place? How many emails, and which ones could I get written and sent?

But before I got too far gone in the energy of 'getting things done' I took a pause moment and felt (or perhaps was guided by the 'soul') to read the Comments in the latest Conversation on Joy of Ageing. And there was your comment. Saving myself from falling over the garden wall into stress and drive and getting things done, I will now have a spacious day - with no trying or effort infringing on the beauty of this wet and windy day. Instead I will enjoy being with the baby and 'doing' the emails later.

Reply
Gayle
7/1/2022 09:54:54 am

Hi Gillian - Trying and Effort is already well established in each and everyone of us by the time we are 5 years of age. Yes, how different will it be if we can raise children without that imposition.

We all have a responsibility to start this new way, no matter what age we are or whether we have children or not. It takes a village to raise a child so we are all influential when it comes to the younger generations.

Last week I was caring for 2 1/2 year old. I needed something that was in a small crawl space so I asked him to go in and get it for me. When he handed it to me, I automatically said, "Thank you, you're a 'good' 'helper'." In that instance I saw how I was contributing to the age-old program, instilling in him that it is good to be good! And that there is recognition in being a helper. Ouch. This is the beginning of programming a child to be recognised for what they 'do' rather than who they are as diviine beings. Thus begins the effort to be good, to be liked, to receive recognition. Next time, I will just say "Thank you." 😉

Reply
Gayle
9/1/2022 05:13:09 am

Sandra, I was experiencing the very same - having received a phone call from friends asking me if I could come care for their 8 month old for a couple of hours this morning while they attend an on-line meeting. I had the space so said yes, but it did mean I had to reschedule what I had planned for the day. What could I 'squeeze in' before I went over to their place? How many emails, and which ones could I get written and sent?

But before I was too far gone in the energy of 'getting things done' I took a pause moment and felt (or perhaps was guided by the 'Soul') to read the Comments in the latest Conversation on Joy of Ageing. And there was your comment. Saving myself from falling over the garden wall into stress and drive and getting things done, I will now have a spacious day - with no trying or effort infringing on the beauty of this wet and windy day. Instead, I will enjoy being with the baby and 'doing' the emails later.

Reply
Judy Felix
14/1/2022 11:14:52 am

This is such a great topic to explore and I resonate with the comments so far. In spite of a growing awareness around the harm of trying = effort = drive, I still find myself there much too frequently. One of the signals from my body is pain at the back in my right wing. Then I really know I have gone into drive and it's not easy coming back from this because the body has already felt the damage. Usually it's because of a race against time (Hah!) and it can be as simple as setting the table or in the kitchen cooking or washing up. Like the previous contributors, I often find myself trying to fit in extra things before I go out or before some other time based deadline. As a result I find myself compressing space into time and in the process I compress my body and lose all connection to the beauty of space and spaciousness. A quote from Serge Benhayon reminds us of the impacts on our body and that it doesn't have to be this way. He says, "It is possible to work hard without being hard.Discovering this truth will reward your body immensely." (Esoteric Teachings & Revelations, 2011, p. 350). So, where has this pressure and expectation come from? It feels very much tied up with self-worth. I will prove myself worthy by doing as much as I can. Without this evidence of my worth, then I might be considered lazy, not good enough, slack, etc. Whoa! That's a lot of negative chitta-chatter keeping me small. I love the quotation from Serge Benayon that reminds us that "Your daily deeds and chores do not add up to your worthiness, for the loveliness was there at the birth of the day." (Esoteric Teachings & Revelations, 2011, p. 359). A message he offers in particular to women.

Reply
Bernadette
14/1/2022 01:39:31 pm

Reading the comments at lunch time today has been a stop moment in itself, and I can feel the change in the body that feels more spacious and settled. These moments are amazing as they bring us back to the intelligence of the body which is registering the quality of every breath, thought, movement, spoken or written word...
Before this moment today there was a conversation starting up in my head about not enough time in the day to do blah blah, and falling behind. What am I falling behind? These expressions are ridiculous, e.g. ’not enough time’ – we don’t own time, and what would be ‘enough time?’ These thoughts are designed to set us up to feel inadequate, (for what exactly? Life?) impatient with our self, grumpy and disheartened and above all TIRED! It’s fun to notice this inner dialogue and renounce the imposition, and feel refreshed and ready for the next move, which has just come through on my phone – to pick up my car from service. Now isn’t that appropriate! Newly serviced vehicle to take the drivers seat?

Reply
Julie Matson
4/2/2022 09:39:39 pm

Pushing ourselves to get things done is a sure way to exhaustion as it's so easy to override the signals from our body that are telling us to stop and take a moment. I used to work as an estate agent and would find myself always rushing to the next appointment and my body felt so hard and under stress - awful feeling. Felt like I was constantly chasing after something and getting nowhere - hamster wheel comes to mind.

Reply
Gill Randall
1/8/2022 02:46:55 pm

I know that one too, Julie, I have pushed myself so hard in the past and overused some joints so much that they have changed shape as I've aged. The body is the amazing marker to show us how we've lived, and interestingly, now I'm pushing much less, these little joints aren't painful anymore. We have no need to try or push or drive, life can be lived in a gorgeous flow instead.

Reply
Ruth Anderssen
8/2/2022 06:38:31 am

If you don't try harder one can be considered as lazy! My mother expressed this to me during my schooling years, and it was also confirmed daily by teachers -- yes, good effort but try harder next time. I have just realised that my first job entailed wearing a badge "We try harder" -- it was the firm's slogan! Our lives have been steeped in, it feels almost like a curse, to try harder at everything we do. This article, and the above comments have highlighted the importance of recognising the harm trying harder has on both our physical bodies and our energetic bodies when we feel we are 'not enough because we didn't try hard enough'! Time to stop, surrender, love the stillness, love the feeling of our body that moves in grace, serenity and calmness. It truly is a joyous feeling in our bodies.

Reply
Lynne Paull-McLeod
8/2/2022 08:25:52 am

Yes agreed! this trying harder doesn't work. Yesterday I was doing something on the computer, learning a new process and in that, feeling foggy-headed, a bit headachy and drained from trying to get the job done. From that place I made a wrong and silly decision which was not helpful to a number of people and I was pulled up for it. If I'd not tried to push through to complete the task but felt into how I was actually 'trying', and instead gone for walk, I would have more lovingly supported myself and everyone else affected by my trying to persist. I've found that if I am in that 'trying' energy and water some plants for a while, that movement brings me back to my inner connection and stillness.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    JOIN OUR CONVERSATION

    'Join a Conversation' is where we invite you to comment on a topic that is meaningful to ageing joyfully.

    The more we are willing to talk about ageing, the easier it becomes to dispel the many myths and misconceptions that people of all ages feel about ageing and the elderly in their communities. It is up to us.

    ​Let's start the conversation!



HOME

ABOUT

THE BOOK

CONTACT

All written content copyright © 2022 Joy of Ageing Esoterically Pty Ltd  and all Authors as mentioned.
Photos copyright © by the photographers: Alan Johnston, Clayton Lloyd,  Dean Whitling,  Desiree Delaloye,  Iris Pohl, Steffi Henn, Steve Leca ,
Shannon Everest, Matt Paul, Gayle Cue