EXPECTATION IN CELEBRATION

1/12/2021

For our December Topic of Conversation, we are continuing to explore the Expectation in Celebration. Therefore, as we are nearing that time of year where large numbers of people around the world look forward to a break from their usual busy work schedule to gather with family and friends to ‘eat, drink and be merry’, we are also reminded that for some, this Christmas and New Year season is not always heaps of fun and in fact, can be an extremely lonely or stressful time.

While many look forward to this time of year, there are others who don’t have this expectation of Christmas, theirs is one of dread, for this time highlights their loneliness and despair. For the elderly who no longer have friends or family and the homeless living on the streets and in shelters, their expectation is of a very different kind. Of course, there are also those who simply don’t hold with these types of celebrations for either religious or cultural reasons while others simply can’t be bothered with it all.

Though there are many who find this time of year difficult, the bulk of the population of the western world goes into overdrive with this festive season. There is decorating the house in tinsel and holly, Christmas cards written and posted (though now-a-days many do this via email), the last-minute gift buying and many conversations for the planning and preparation. Much food and drink are stockpiled so no one is caught short and running out over that week of festivities, which results in lots of food preparation and cooking to be attended to, so everything is ready for the occasion.

One can feel the exhilaration and excitement building as Christmas Eve draws near as people prepare for the celebration, and while many will say they’ve had an amazing time and can’t wait to do it all again, there’s also a very palpable feeling of a ‘drop’ in vitality after it is all over. This ‘drop’ can feel different to each person. Some might say there’s a sense of aloneness, others may feel a little depressed or melancholy while others might explain that they just feel tired and relieved it’s ‘done’ for another year.

What is it that drives this ‘Christmas mania’, and on balance, are they always the happy events people are hoping to enjoy? What happens for people when these long-awaited celebrations and gatherings don’t live up to their expectation?

Sandra comments that “My most memorable Christmas was when my Dad and I spent the day on our sailing boat with just ourselves and a pack of homemade sandwiches. It was the connection we had that I so enjoyed and the opportunity of being together with very little to do.”

What are your experiences of Christmas and other celebrations? We invite you to share your comments and ideas, what you’ve noticed about celebration and the expectations it holds for yourself and those around you.

11 Comments

Sandra Newland

31/10/2021 06:33:20 am

My most memorable Christmas was when my Dad and I spent the day on our sailing boat with just ourselves and a pack of homemade sandwiches. It was the connection we had that I so enjoyed and the opportunity of being together with very little to do.

By contrast, our normal Christmas, was an elaborate affair which involved a lot of doing for days before The Day. It was often stressful and the result of the doing seemed more important than the people involved in the doing. So, though we were rewarded with lots of presents and a huge meal it was not nearly as fulfilling as a simple connection with another human being.

Julie Chung

1/11/2021 07:15:11 am

Such a great topic to open up.
For me I have definitely had my fair share of investing in what I want xmas or other celebrations to look like and have been sorely disappointed when my picture didn't come to fruition. I have had to feel the emptiness of not being filled up from my projections of the outcome. I have also had the experience where I have not had any expectations at all, and instead taken this fullness within me, a contentment if you like of myself in my own presence and felt the absolute joy of being me with others. To me that is what celebrations are all about, bringing all of you to the best of your ability to others to then enjoy and appreciate what we all bring in the time we are all together just being our naturally amazing selves.

Gayle Cue

5/11/2021 12:40:21 pm

As I read the introduction to this topic I had the realisation that I have had a blessed life (always a roof over my head and food in my belly) and I've always had family around - and yet I never enjoyed the holdiays. Yes, too much stress, too much preparation, and too many expectations (rarely met).

Sandra's example really shines because of its simplicity. And Julie, I love what you've offered about the absolute joy in being, living, and sharing the fullness of bringing all of yourself to any event.

But for me, it was something else about the holidays that I didn't like. It took me decades to figure out that what I didn't like was that it wasn't true. We were never celebrating anything that was true. Christmas was never about the true Christ life on earth. Birthdays were never honouring of the cycle of life. Anniversary's were a marking on a calendar rather than a deepening. Once I finally 'got it' then I started celebrating this and that. I found something worth celebrating everyday. So holidays can now go right past me, unless someone reminds me that it is a 'special' day. To me it is just another Tuesday - or perhaps a Wednesday. You'll find me celebrating something because I feel like it - not because it is a certain day on the calendar.

Bernadette Curtin

6/11/2021 09:53:30 am

Sandra you have written about the joy of connection and Julie emphasising the enjoyment of being together and bringing our natural amazing selves to the celebration. For a number of years now I haven’t planned for Christmas Day to be anything grand. Having dropped expectations and any need to plan a big event, it has become a day to celebrate whoever I am with, whatever is happening and wherever I am on the day. This may be a picnic at the beach with friends, a family lunch, or enjoying a day with my husband at home. Keeping it simple offers the best present for the body!

Judy Felix

12/11/2021 11:32:22 am

I’ve always had mixed feelings about Christmas because I felt the pressure of having to ‘celebrate’. But celebrate what? I loved the exchange of gifts and when wrapping presents for my closest family a few days ago, I remembered how much I enjoyed this part of Christmas. But I hated the commercialism and the countdown of shopping days to Christmas, the intensity of traffic on the road and crowds in shopping centres and the inane decorations everywhere, not to mention the imposition of Christmas carols being played everywhere you go. I never decorated my house and avoided cooking fancy food preferring to make it about plain healthy food. I often wondered if I had taken Christmas away from my son when he was small for all these reasons. I felt like a bit of a Grinch or a Scrooge. I really didn’t get into it. At one stage in my life I even made a point of putting my hand up to work over the Christmas period so I could avoid the craziness. Yet, over recent years I have really enjoyed getting together with people, both friends and family, to share a meal and conversation. For me now the pressure has come off! Christmas provides an opportunity for us to come together and in truth we can do that any day at any time of the year. Take away the craziness, the commercialism, the overeating, the pressure of obligation and duty, and it can be a celebration of simply being together and sharing a meal.

Annie

15/11/2021 03:51:35 pm

Birthdays were always an interesting time for me. A couple of weeks before hand I would start to feel tension and anxiety slowly building within my body. Would the day go well? Would those in my immediate family embrace the day with me, or put on the good face and pretend, or clearly show that they were not inclined to embrace the day and everyone knew it.

I had so many expectations and pictures of what a birthday should look like, of course I based all of these pictures and expectations on all the books and movies that I had watched over the years, along with the misguided view that all of my friends seemed to be having amazing celebrations on their birthdays and yet mine rarely seemed to match what they supposedly were experiencing.

The day after was always a relief in one way because it was finally over and done with, mind you I was either feeling quite chuffed with how the day went and what I had received in acknowledgment and gifts or quite depressed if the day had not lived up to my expectations.

To say that I very much preferred other people's birthdays was an understatement.

Then something really interesting happened I became friends with a dear woman who lived in another state to me, we became very close and we always knew what was going on in each others life. My birthday would come around year after year, however my friend never acknowledged it. At first I thought it was super weird as we were really close, I was never upset, just quite surprised. However what I discovered and this has been happening for years, is that at some point during the year if she came across something that she felt I would absolutely love she would just buy it spontaneously and write a beautiful note expressing what I meant to her send it to me. This was new to me I had never received a gift from others apart from the usual traditional celebrations so it was absolutely gorgeous and totally treasured. I likewise then started to do the same thing if there was something that I saw which I felt was absolutely perfect for her I would send it randomly with a note expressing how dear she was to me.

This was better than any birthday celebration, as I knew that whatever if anything was sent to me it was with absolute love and appreciation of the friendship that we have and not because it had to be delivered or sent on a particular day.

I then began to realise that when you put emphasis on a set date you are then imposing on everyone around you that they have to perform their best and play their role and play it damn well on that day. The reality is that we never know what is going to be given to us on any day, so having to play the loving and gracious partner, mother, father, daughter, son, friendetc role just because it is a birthday does not feel honouring of anyone, but it is so much worse if they have to put on the face to play a part, as it is painfully obvious and it feels totally false and disgusting.

True celebration is recognising and appreciating those that you have in your life that are totally there for you and you for them every day.

Gillian Rae

26/11/2021 07:28:32 am

This year it will be interesting for me as I’m due surgery just before Christmas so will be home alone with the dog, recovering and resting. No dinner, family etc. So it will be interesting to see how that feels. Currently I feel okay with it. I recently had a birthday, and in the past being alone on days like that I felt quite sad, but this year I felt very unwell, and enjoyed being curled up in bed resting. I was quite surprised at how okay I was with this. I know for others that it can be difficult being alone at a family / Christmas time, and that may be due to bereavements etc. It can be a difficult time for some people, with memories of others, or it may be the first Christmas after someone passing. I’ve spoken with people who don’t look forward to it for those reasons.

Gill Randall

1/12/2021 07:18:03 am

What a great subject to unpick, because so many people can struggle with all the ideals of Christmas and the enforced getting together and needing to have the best Christmas ever. I used to get caught in the rush and bustle of shopping and the lead up to the holidays but would then need the break to recover. Nowadays Christmas is celebrated much more simply... sometimes my husband and I will be together by ourselves like this Christmas but also enjoy the company of friends and family too. We don't make it a big deal.

Gayle

3/12/2021 10:36:48 am

Hi Judy - When reading your experience of celebrating Christmas, I had a laugh because I'm one of those people who ALWAYS volunteers to work the holiday shifts. That's how much I don't enjoy the pressure of getting together with people and 'having' to have a good time. I actually really enjoy working on holidays as there is an 'abnormal' atmosphere on those days. People are either extra jovial or they are extra sad, depending on their circumstances, and I like being available to meet them which ever end of the spectrum they are on.

Gayle

3/12/2021 10:43:07 am

Hi Gill - In earlier years I experienced the holidays as overwhelming. After reading your comment and looking back at my own life, I see that I was 'trying' to make the holidays special not only for my children but for my parents and my siblings. Meanwhile I was exhausted. I didn't make quite as smooth of transition as it sounds like you did. At some point, once the kids were raised I rebelled and completely quit doing Christmas (and New Years, and Easter, and most other public holidays). As I mentioned to Judy, to help take me out of the 'accepted' celebrations I started volunteering for work shifts on the holidays!

Lynne

3/12/2021 06:52:44 pm

Gillian, home alone with the dog after surgery sounds like it could be a deeply restful healing time for you, and no doubt the dog will be glad of your company :-))

I'm reminded of a time when I was in my 30's and I was house sitting for a friend for 6 weeks. It was before mobile phones and emails. I'd not bothered to tell family or friends what I was up to. The day after my birthday I realised I'd completely forgotten about it and because no one knew where I was I'd not had any calls or cards.

Meanwhile, I was having a lovely time on my own - truly at peace and so content I'd forgotten it was my birthday. No need for celebrations.

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EXPECTATION IN CELEBRATION

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