WHAT IS true family?

31/5/2021

Artist: Joseph Barker

The June Topic of Conversation again asks What is True Family? We have all been born into a family and the majority of us have grown up within that family nucleus, however from what one understands from listening to other people’s personal accounts of their family life, our experiences of family can be very different from each other – even different from our siblings and cousins who are part of the same family group.

Some of us may feel virtually unscathed by family life having developed ongoing close relationships with our family members while others would not describe family life as harmonious or supportive at all, perhaps resulting in feeling unlovable and isolated from the family unit and often from society in general. In fact, if we look at the rates of domestic violence, incest and homicides that happen in the home, we then have to ask ourselves; "what needs to change to allow for a more supportive way to live together as a family unit in our society?"

Two of our June articles offer insightful and different frames of reference for this complex discussion. Caroline’s article, ‘Is Family Good for Our Health?’, and an article written by members of the Joy of Ageing Esoterically team, ‘In Search of True Family’.

We are inviting our readers to share with us their own understanding of what a true family looks like to them. We are asking the question: In a true family, how would we be raised, how would we relate to each to other in a way that would ensure we grow up feeling loved, nurtured and appreciated for who we truly are?

5 Comments

Gill Randall link

1/5/2021 04:36:41 pm

My son, his wife and their toddler needed some support last month so they came to stay for 3 weeks from abroad, and the adults still both needed to work so we looked after our granddaughter between us all.The first week we all had different ideas how it would work, with all the 4 adults having work, meetings and commitments to work around, and there were some challenges initially. The morning rhythm was very busy, everyone getting ready for work, and some rhythms in the day needed changing, for example, we eat around 5pm, they eat much later, but it made us communicate and let go of the pictures of how we thought it should to be and what would work to suit everyone. We had to consider everyone's schedule equally and fit in the childcare, what time we needed to work each day, who would do the shopping, cooking and cleaning, and who would look after the little one. My son commented how it was taking 4 people to care for a child and we had a lovely discussion of what if we lived in a community where families lived and worked together and all shared the roles of nurturing children and caring for each other lovingly, how amazing that would feel. Through the experience we had, we all learned how we can work together and live in a beautiful rhythm and harmony.

Bernadette Curtin

11/5/2021 01:11:56 pm

From reading your comment Gill it didn’t take long for the four adults to communicate what was needed, reach agreement on daily needs and rhythms, and make the little one a priority and group responsibility. what a truly expansive and caring experience for all.

Gayle

21/5/2021 02:26:34 pm

I loved reading about your experience Gill. I can appreciate that it would have initially felt challenging for everyone! So beautiful to hear that everyone contributed towards a harmonious outcome.

After living on my own for twenty years, I decided I didn't want to live alone any longer so I bought a bigger house for the express purpose of shared living. During the past five years, I've had a variety of short and long term tenants, sometimes everything worked smoothly and sometimes it did not. I knew learning to live with others after such a long period of 'having everything my way' would probably present its challenges but I was always aware it would never be about who was right and who was wrong. It is about knowing that people see and feel things differently and that finding common ground, or what will work for everyone, required open communication, honesty and understanding. Every configuration of tenants build on the previous experiences and lessons learned. I have for the last couple of years felt like the people living under this roof represented true family because we are all open in our expression, respectful, caring and interested in what is happening in each others lives. We support each other if and when needed and we also sometimes go a few days without seeing each other because of our different schedules. There are no conditions put on the other housemates. Its been a rewarding experience and I love shared living, creating true family.

Annie Mack

23/5/2021 09:32:16 am

An amazing topic to bring forward for discussion. I feel the definition of true family is slowly beginning to change. With our ever expanding world that we live in and the accessibility we seem to have to move around and live in different locations, this has enabled many of us to break away from the traditional model of living in close proximity to our blood family and relying predominantly on our relatives for connection. More and more people are embracing the opportunity to live near or to share with others who one feels more in connection and harmony with.

Gayle

5/6/2021 02:21:09 pm

The 'family relationships' - mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, son, step-this, half-that, all come loaded with expectations, resentments etc, just by the mere label. What if we treated members of our family as we would any other members of our community. In other words, NOT have expectations that they will do this or should do that. And what if we also don't tolerate behaviour from our family members that we wouldn't tolerate from our friends or our neighbour? It levels the playing field! Be caring and loving to all equally and accept nothing less than the same for ourselves in return. It sounds easy enough and when we try to put it into practice, it will become obvious which behaviours from others (and ourselves) do not fall into the categories of caring and loving, eh! Bingo, we've found our true family.

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Photos copyright © by the photographers: Alan Johnston, Clayton Lloyd, Dean Whitling, Desiree Delaloye, Iris Pohl, Steffi Henn, Steve Leca ,
Shannon Everest, Matt Paul, Gayle Cue

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