Six months ago, I had a fall and broke my left hip and my left wrist and I knew straight away that this was an opportunity – that it was part of an unfolding for me to reconnect deeper within and let go of the drive that has run my body for way too long.
I would not have looked at an accident as being an opportunity when I was younger. However, in 2008 I began to change when my mother died.
Over the years the Way of the Livingness has offered me a totally different, and at times, an opposing way to live life, in that all the old perceptions of life began to fall away.
In the beginning it was about getting to know myself and who I truly was. I was given tools that allowed me to feel my body and to begin an intimate relationship with myself quite unlike anything I had known. It was a very gentle and nurturing way of being whereby I began to let go of the self-flagellation. Slowly, but surely, I began to accept and understand myself, and as a consequence, those around me.
I sensed that life was only ‘hard’ if I made it so, and that I needed to take responsibility in how I lived life, as life was no longer simply about me, but included the rest of humanity.
The realisation dawned on me that my actions and responses were deeply felt by others in the same way that I can feel them, and also, I could hear how another is truly feeling and whether their words and what I am feeling are congruent or not.
I felt life changing as I began to understand that ‘things just did not happen to me’ and that I was an integral part of everything that took place in my life. There were no more coincidences; I began to understand that how we live and love impacts not only on ourselves, but equally on others.
It was amazing to have this understanding as I was no longer a victim of life, and that ‘things just no longer happened to me’. I could feel the simplicity of this way of living, and how it offered me the opportunity to become empowered.
A few days before my fall happened, the temperature had been very high, and I knew that other than attending to the bare necessities, I needed to rest and spend the time deepening my understanding of myself and my part in life. It was a bonus to be allowed this space to spend quality time with myself, and yet interestingly, it became quite challenging to surrender to space and let go of what has become my constant need to fill the day with ‘doing’.
Therefore, as I lay on the pavement, I knew instantly that my Soul was offering me another stop moment to surrender my drive and allow life to unfold.
As I lay in the ambulance, I made a call to be held, and felt a presence beside me like nothing I have known before. It was powerful, and as the ambulance began to speed towards the hospital, I could feel my body held so that the bumps and lumps in the road had only minimal impact. I was offered the wisdom to go with the flow and not resist through tension and resistance. In the past I would have braced my body, and it felt so different to simply surrender to the journey. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I was being held in the Grace of God.
Once I arrived at the hospital, I was also aware of small things to remind me that I was no longer alone, but deeply held.
I have always wanted to plan life, to protect myself ‘just in case’, and yet while I lay in bed in the hospital for two weeks I gradually began to feel how much I was being cared for, without the need for me to plan, as there was a much bigger plan that belonged to the Universe. I knew deep within that I had always been taken care of, and to surrender to what I was now being offered by my Soul.
Day by day as I Iay there, I was consistently supported by the amazing staff in the hospital. And every day someone would walk into my room and offer me what I needed for that day, whether it was to learn how to cope with discomfort or my own impatience.
One day a beautiful nurse came to speak to me as she had also undergone surgery on her hip. As I lay there looking up at her the words of wisdom came through her as if they were being poured straight from heaven. She was so simply gorgeous and this moment has left a deep imprint in me. Her underlying message was to ‘not compare’, and as I have realised over the years this is wisdom indeed, and ‘hot off the press’ from the Universe. This wisdom is not exclusive and is available to everyone.
I felt so held through this whole experience from the moment that the ambulance arrived until I left the hospital.
The willingness to surrender is very much an unfolding that will take time for me, but I know deep down that I am being offered the opportunity of a lifetime – one that I have waited for all my life – or maybe longer. And now I can feel how much the Universal Plan of God holds us all as we let go and surrender.
I am also gaining an understanding of how much we need to be in contact with one another and that we need the love and support of everyone around us.
I feel truly blessed that I took the invitation to go deeper and embrace my life fully, as without this understanding I could easily be cut off from the world by my recent experience. So often as we age, we lose the capacity to bounce back and live life fully. Often it’s not the accident or whatever may be the unfolding in our own particular body as we prepare to pass over, but it can be our lack of confidence to cope with life.
I can feel at times that there is an anxiety in exposing myself to the world, and yet, I also know how deeply I love people and want to be a part of the whole. Deep appreciation and acceptance are the steps I am now taking to support myself in knowing that I will be held, whatever may come to pass.
Susan L. UK
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