 | Up at 3.45 am, I awoke not feeling good about a situation at work where a young lady has been rather abusive to me, and whilst in bed, I applied the antidote of appreciation that I am even working there. And now, what could I do for myself to celebrate that appreciation? |
After noticing that my calves were stiff, I ran a lovely bath with Epsom salts, and very much enjoyed the stretch and relaxation – a thorough cleansing. My back had a lovely stretch with a connective tissue exercise and when I dried my skin it felt softer as if an outer layer had been removed.
“That feels like a good sign”, I thought. I made breakfast and went into my first morning meeting: a treat of sacred movement with a lovely group of friends, such a tonic in the morning and feeling very connected to my body. Then onto a meeting with another group of friends to talk about our writing adventure, and how it brings up layers and layers of awareness for us to work through and discard. Next meeting – a personalised voice coaching session had me very connected to feeling vibrations in my body, and my voice coming through more deeply, with clarity and a velvety texture.
I celebrated this feeling of settlement by changing my bed covers so it is lovely and comfy for tonight.
I’m tired by this time so a little nap is called for while I waited for someone to collect my pine chairs and give them a good home. A lovely man called and I think they will have a very good home! It felt like the end of an era, I had had those chairs for some years. Another layer of old stuff peeled away!
I had been having some dark thoughts this afternoon, and a question raised its head if I was evil or not. I wondered why I was having dark thoughts when my morning’s self-care activities were so productive in settling my body. I spent some hours feeling bad, then the voice of reason said “No one is evil, they just choose the wrong energy.” Simple – some self-talk to change the dark thoughts!
Out to the shop to get a little ball for my granddaughter to play with and some vegetables for me. At the checkout the credit card machine wouldn’t read my card details when I presented it. I tried once more then had to put my pin number in, but because it had been a while since I last used the pin, I realised I had forgotten it.
There was another family behind me waiting to purchase their goods so I quietly said to the cashier that I would leave the shopping. I’d spent a long time looking round for the ball and vegetables but it really didn’t matter if I left it as I could return another day to buy them. The man with the family at the other end of the checkout asked how much the shopping was and the cashier told him. I had another little bit of a reaction when I reached inside my jacket for my phone, which was not there. I used to keep my pin number in my phone for such occasions. I mentioned this to the cashier who was very patient, and she said to tell customer services if I had lost it, someone may have handed it in.
As we were having this conversation, the man who had asked how much the shopping was came forward, and said, “I’ll pay it,” and proceeded to get his card out. I said a few times, “No, you can’t do that!” but he turned to me and said, “Maybe someone would do this for me some time, you never know.” I replied, “Well let me have your address and I will pay you back.” but he refused and cheerfully paid my bill of £38.77! Well, I felt disorientated and blown away by the kindness of this man and, of course, I had a few “thank yous” to voice.
My head felt fuzzy as I tried to make sense of what just happened. My pride at being a competent and independent woman was a little bit ruffled. I had sorted out ‘my problem’ about not being able to pay and it wasn’t a problem that I needed help with. However, this stranger had come to my rescue.
Did he see me as a forgetful old lady who didn’t know what she was doing? I definitely do not see myself as that person. As I walked away, I decided to not entertain that negative thought and instead I looked at what part of me did need help and found that it was my sense of delicacy and vulnerability which needed appreciating, so that I could wholeheartedly appreciate by fully accepting the help I had just been given by this stranger. This is something new for me! I had the realisation that I could gracefully accept the help and kindness that was offered.
Through this enquiry I felt that my pride and independence had a hardness about them and had no place now in my life.
A major shift in my body had occurred. I thought about all the missed opportunities that being independent and, yes, being aloof – keeping myself apart from other people – had robbed me of. I recognised the energy too of calculation waiting on the sidelines. Often when I have helped someone in the past, a part of me would be satisfied because that person now is beholden to me because I helped them. Or if I have received some help, my ‘pride’ would calculate how I could ‘pay them back’ so I didn’t have to feel ‘less’ or ‘undeserving’ of what I had just received. This is the real evil of the cloying energy of helping, that has teamed up with my low self-esteem, my internal poverty, to influence my thoughts and actions in the past. I acknowledged the energy I was in, so I brought it out and renounced it straight away. It is not mine. It is not me, it is not real, but I had allowed it to be a bedfellow of mine for too long! Then followed a humbleness and lots of healing.
By the time I walked out into the fresh air, my head had cleared a bit and I remembered my credit card pin number. I wasn’t absolutely sure, but I was relieved to find it was right when I got home and checked it. I sat in the car for a few moments to collect and centre myself. “What had happened here?” A miracle in the supermarket as it was a confirmation, of sorts, that someone was kind enough to help and support me without knowing me, I can’t be that bad a person! I then carefully drove home, still feeling unsettled. On further reflection my unsettlement was more about the fact that my phone was not in my jacket where I thought it was. Once home, I found my phone laying on the table so I quickly checked the pin number and yes, I had remembered it correctly.
My shopping seemed even more precious for being blessed by the kindness of a stranger, and through his reflection I had realised the true qualities of the precious person I am. I started my day with self-care activities and finished it with a beautiful lesson in love.
Christina M., UK
If you enjoyed this article you may also like to read
Accepting Support
“That feels like a good sign”, I thought. I made breakfast and went into my first morning meeting: a treat of sacred movement with a lovely group of friends, such a tonic in the morning and feeling very connected to my body. Then onto a meeting with another group of friends to talk about our writing adventure, and how it brings up layers and layers of awareness for us to work through and discard. Next meeting – a personalised voice coaching session had me very connected to feeling vibrations in my body, and my voice coming through more deeply, with clarity and a velvety texture.
I celebrated this feeling of settlement by changing my bed covers so it is lovely and comfy for tonight.
I’m tired by this time so a little nap is called for while I waited for someone to collect my pine chairs and give them a good home. A lovely man called and I think they will have a very good home! It felt like the end of an era, I had had those chairs for some years. Another layer of old stuff peeled away!
I had been having some dark thoughts this afternoon, and a question raised its head if I was evil or not. I wondered why I was having dark thoughts when my morning’s self-care activities were so productive in settling my body. I spent some hours feeling bad, then the voice of reason said “No one is evil, they just choose the wrong energy.” Simple – some self-talk to change the dark thoughts!
Out to the shop to get a little ball for my granddaughter to play with and some vegetables for me. At the checkout the credit card machine wouldn’t read my card details when I presented it. I tried once more then had to put my pin number in, but because it had been a while since I last used the pin, I realised I had forgotten it.
There was another family behind me waiting to purchase their goods so I quietly said to the cashier that I would leave the shopping. I’d spent a long time looking round for the ball and vegetables but it really didn’t matter if I left it as I could return another day to buy them. The man with the family at the other end of the checkout asked how much the shopping was and the cashier told him. I had another little bit of a reaction when I reached inside my jacket for my phone, which was not there. I used to keep my pin number in my phone for such occasions. I mentioned this to the cashier who was very patient, and she said to tell customer services if I had lost it, someone may have handed it in.
As we were having this conversation, the man who had asked how much the shopping was came forward, and said, “I’ll pay it,” and proceeded to get his card out. I said a few times, “No, you can’t do that!” but he turned to me and said, “Maybe someone would do this for me some time, you never know.” I replied, “Well let me have your address and I will pay you back.” but he refused and cheerfully paid my bill of £38.77! Well, I felt disorientated and blown away by the kindness of this man and, of course, I had a few “thank yous” to voice.
My head felt fuzzy as I tried to make sense of what just happened. My pride at being a competent and independent woman was a little bit ruffled. I had sorted out ‘my problem’ about not being able to pay and it wasn’t a problem that I needed help with. However, this stranger had come to my rescue.
Did he see me as a forgetful old lady who didn’t know what she was doing? I definitely do not see myself as that person. As I walked away, I decided to not entertain that negative thought and instead I looked at what part of me did need help and found that it was my sense of delicacy and vulnerability which needed appreciating, so that I could wholeheartedly appreciate by fully accepting the help I had just been given by this stranger. This is something new for me! I had the realisation that I could gracefully accept the help and kindness that was offered.
Through this enquiry I felt that my pride and independence had a hardness about them and had no place now in my life.
A major shift in my body had occurred. I thought about all the missed opportunities that being independent and, yes, being aloof – keeping myself apart from other people – had robbed me of. I recognised the energy too of calculation waiting on the sidelines. Often when I have helped someone in the past, a part of me would be satisfied because that person now is beholden to me because I helped them. Or if I have received some help, my ‘pride’ would calculate how I could ‘pay them back’ so I didn’t have to feel ‘less’ or ‘undeserving’ of what I had just received. This is the real evil of the cloying energy of helping, that has teamed up with my low self-esteem, my internal poverty, to influence my thoughts and actions in the past. I acknowledged the energy I was in, so I brought it out and renounced it straight away. It is not mine. It is not me, it is not real, but I had allowed it to be a bedfellow of mine for too long! Then followed a humbleness and lots of healing.
By the time I walked out into the fresh air, my head had cleared a bit and I remembered my credit card pin number. I wasn’t absolutely sure, but I was relieved to find it was right when I got home and checked it. I sat in the car for a few moments to collect and centre myself. “What had happened here?” A miracle in the supermarket as it was a confirmation, of sorts, that someone was kind enough to help and support me without knowing me, I can’t be that bad a person! I then carefully drove home, still feeling unsettled. On further reflection my unsettlement was more about the fact that my phone was not in my jacket where I thought it was. Once home, I found my phone laying on the table so I quickly checked the pin number and yes, I had remembered it correctly.
My shopping seemed even more precious for being blessed by the kindness of a stranger, and through his reflection I had realised the true qualities of the precious person I am. I started my day with self-care activities and finished it with a beautiful lesson in love.
Christina M., UK
If you enjoyed this article you may also like to read
Accepting Support