 | For twenty-six years I was in a relationship with a man – he was the ‘love of my life’ and it felt as if we would be together forever. We enjoyed being together, worked well together and our love was deepening. Then, imperceptibly, things started to change. We stopped appreciating each other so much, we let work become the priority instead of our love, and gradually our relationship got stale – the joy had slowly gone. |
We took a break which rekindled the spark because we stopped taking each other for granted but then, once we came back together again, the old familiar routine gradually settled back on us like a shroud and we got bogged down again in the stifling comfort of our old routine way of being together.
It was a good arrangement that suited us both, but it was killing us because we were not being honest about what was really going on.
We were not being honest because we were so comfortable in our arrangement and we knew that to have a good look at it would expose it for what it was – a convenient compromise.
Finally one day, it suddenly came to a head and we expressed what we were feeling and what was going on for each of us, and it felt so freeing to be able to at last acknowledge what we were feeling deep down. I felt my body expand and, even though the worst possible thing I could imagine was about to happen – i.e. a marriage breakup, it felt like a prison door had been opened up for me to step through and I could feel the fresh breeze on my face blowing all the cobwebs away from the fusty dungeons of this stale arrangement.
Well I stepped through that prison door and have never looked back – and guess what! – I didn’t really lose anything for I gained two new friends – me, and the man who used to be my husband.
I found myself and came to appreciate the woman I am and our love didn’t die but continues to expand as a true friendship.
So, for those of you who are in a marriage where a vital loving relationship has dwindled into a comfortable arrangement, do not be afraid to look at it and communicate honestly, for that may rekindle the love and spark up the relationship again, or, if it means you have to break up, you will have the opportunity to find yourself again and deepen your relationship with your ’ex’ so long as you can let go of the past and any self-doubt or blame.
Anonymous, Australia
It was a good arrangement that suited us both, but it was killing us because we were not being honest about what was really going on.
We were not being honest because we were so comfortable in our arrangement and we knew that to have a good look at it would expose it for what it was – a convenient compromise.
Finally one day, it suddenly came to a head and we expressed what we were feeling and what was going on for each of us, and it felt so freeing to be able to at last acknowledge what we were feeling deep down. I felt my body expand and, even though the worst possible thing I could imagine was about to happen – i.e. a marriage breakup, it felt like a prison door had been opened up for me to step through and I could feel the fresh breeze on my face blowing all the cobwebs away from the fusty dungeons of this stale arrangement.
Well I stepped through that prison door and have never looked back – and guess what! – I didn’t really lose anything for I gained two new friends – me, and the man who used to be my husband.
I found myself and came to appreciate the woman I am and our love didn’t die but continues to expand as a true friendship.
So, for those of you who are in a marriage where a vital loving relationship has dwindled into a comfortable arrangement, do not be afraid to look at it and communicate honestly, for that may rekindle the love and spark up the relationship again, or, if it means you have to break up, you will have the opportunity to find yourself again and deepen your relationship with your ’ex’ so long as you can let go of the past and any self-doubt or blame.
Anonymous, Australia