We all have relationships with different people at different times, and I include friendships here.
‘Till death us do part’ is a promise, a wish, an ideal that is usually that – an ideal and an expectation. We wish this relationship or friendship would last forever. But times change, we change, the other person changes or our situation changes.
People come into our life at one point. Then they can quite suddenly drop out of our life because of outside circumstances or a fall-out or maybe because of a sudden geographical distance. Or a friend can gradually fade out of our lives, sometimes hardly noticed.
I remember that I would take it very personally when a friend I was quite attached to slowly or suddenly disappeared out of my life and did not make any effort to maintain the relationship. When I was the only one to initiate and maintain the contact I would withdraw after a while and feel hurt that the other person was not putting any energy into keeping the connection going. On the other hand, I would do the same and stop connecting when I did not feel any energy or interest for this person anymore.
Now I have realised that it is nothing personal at all. People change, I change, interests change, and we have other priorities, new connections and maybe no space left for a relationship that has served its purpose.
I don’t need close relationships to be permanent anymore. I appreciate the time they are and am able to let them go when they feel complete or we have moved on from what the relationship has brought into our lives. People come into our lives for a reason, to learn something, to heal something, to show and reflect something for us.
When we see life as a school, we are all teachers for each other.
And sometimes we have learnt what was needed and grown out of the relationship – or the other person has. Nothing is to be taken personally.
We as a humanity are on this planet to evolve and learn together.
If there is a fall-out or fight with someone I always find it important to communicate and clear the issue because there is something we need to learn from it. If we separate without resolving the matter it will be presented to us in another relationship. Sometimes the other person refuses to go there and all we can do is accept that.
As with most things in life, relationships are rarely permanent and they do not need to be.
We want permanency in life and relationships because that gives us a feeling of security, which is not a good foundation for a true relationship. There is a flow in life and if we resist that, life and our relationships become stagnant.
There is nothing wrong, in fact it is very beautiful, when a relationship that is true and still evolving for all is permanent.
Ingrid L., Australia
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