I love the things that I have learnt. They are things that have stayed with me since they have happened. Sometimes it may be a moment while holding them as a baby and the reflection that I got from that instant and what I felt in my body as the connection was made, it felt like a spark was ignited.
As my granddaughter and I were talking I expressed how it is often the case that grandparents are thinking it is about what they have left for their grandchildren, what impact will they have had on them, what are the moments that the grandchildren will remember from their time together and what have they learnt from their elders?
But for me it is not the case, I feel that I have had the most amazing lessons from my children and my grandchildren. I don’t believe that because I am older that I am the one holding all the wisdom. It comes in all shapes and sizes.
Probably the oldest memory that I have around my grandchildren was fifteen years ago. I was looking after them for the weekend. I was in the kitchen doing something and I noticed that I hadn’t seen them for a while, and that they were very quiet. I knew they were in my room doing something, so I walked in, and there sitting on the floor were these two gorgeous children gazing up at me. A look that didn’t know if they were about to get into trouble or not. It was like time stood still, as I stood there looking down at these two faces looking back at me. I felt such love, equally both ways.
Setting the scene. I love soap and I would tell people that I loved soap, so then I would get beautifully wrapped cakes of soap, I had this basket full of the soaps that people had given me, but I didn’t use them, I would just add them to my collection. (Strange I know).
Well in that moment of looking down on my two grandchildren who had very lovingly unwrapped all the soaps so that Nanny could use them, it was as if I got to feel how crazy that was, how unloving I was towards myself to not have been using the soaps that I had expressed that I love. But I felt the love that these two had dropped into my basket. A precious gift for me at a much deeper level. It was the wisdom that I got from these children. They knew that Nanny should have been using the soap. So why not open them to make it easy for her to use them.
From that moment on I started using the soaps until they were all gone. Now I have one in the bathroom that is opened and I use it if I have a bath.
Another time was when my granddaughter was going to her first social at school, she was in kindergarten. I was staying with them, and I thought, “Oh great I can help her get ready for the social.” I’m not a tizzy person but I could feel that I had gone into wanting to make her look pretty for the social.
Off she went collecting the things that she wanted to wear to the social, coming out and laying the collection of mismatched clothing on the floor. There were skirts, tops, knickers, socks, which didn’t match as it didn’t matter, they were adding to the rainbow that was about to emerge.
When she finished getting dressed, I stood there, spell bound. This little angel had dressed herself and was shining like a sparkling star. She looked gorgeous. I said to her that she looked beautiful. And her reply was, “I know Nanny”. To this day that moment makes my heart melt. This little gorgeous angel going off to the dance and I knew that she was going to get a lot of attention that may not be favourable. But she was protected as she knew what she was and what she was taking to this dance. Nothing was going to ruffle her feathers.
As time went on this ‘knowing’ started to diminish, as she was going through school and the world continued to throw its form of life at this young lady.
In the last few years this ‘knowing’ has returned, and in a conversation, I again said to her that she was beautiful, and the reply was, “I know Nanny”. There was no questioning, no apology.
The biggest reflection for me was a few months ago, someone said to me that I was awesome and amazing and what do you think I said? Straight out, no stopping to think, it was out and claimed in a second... “I KNOW”. I cried because I could feel that that lesson had been sitting there for me to claim for a long time – well probably for lifetimes.
Another time that was a life changing moment was when my grandson expressed something to me. The children were staying with us for the weekend, and we were all out in the garden. We were all doing our own thing, the children were playing whilst my husband and I were gardening.
As my grandson and I went inside to get some morning tea, he said to me that he didn’t like it that Poppy and I were fighting. I went to say that we were not fighting but had to stop in my tracks because in that moment I knew exactly what he was talking about. There had been no arguing, disagreements, no shouting. But what he was feeling was the tension between us. I love order and love to clear and tidy up before I start getting into gardening, and my husband likes to get the plants into the ground. “Don’t procrastinate, they can be growing while you’re thinking.”
This was a huge stop. An “Oh My God moment”, eye opener, head spinning. HUGE.
I couldn’t say anything. I was left speechless. Which is not that common an occurrence. What he had expressed I could say started to change my life. It has taken a long time to sink in how far widespread this is and how it affects everything.
For starters now when we go out to garden, I like to go for a walk together, around the house, talking about what we would like to do, how my husband sees what he wants to do, letting each other know our plans, and from there, as we are now connected, we can work in our own areas or with each other and it is coming from a place of being on the same page. It doesn’t matter if we have different ideas of how it is going to look, it then flows and there is no tension.
That comes back to the beginning of my conversation with my granddaughter about thinking that because I am the older one that I am the one with all the wisdom. But that is never the case.
Denise C., Australia
If you enjoyed this article for further reading you may also like:
Appreciating Children
As my granddaughter and I were talking I expressed how it is often the case that grandparents are thinking it is about what they have left for their grandchildren, what impact will they have had on them, what are the moments that the grandchildren will remember from their time together and what have they learnt from their elders?
But for me it is not the case, I feel that I have had the most amazing lessons from my children and my grandchildren. I don’t believe that because I am older that I am the one holding all the wisdom. It comes in all shapes and sizes.
Probably the oldest memory that I have around my grandchildren was fifteen years ago. I was looking after them for the weekend. I was in the kitchen doing something and I noticed that I hadn’t seen them for a while, and that they were very quiet. I knew they were in my room doing something, so I walked in, and there sitting on the floor were these two gorgeous children gazing up at me. A look that didn’t know if they were about to get into trouble or not. It was like time stood still, as I stood there looking down at these two faces looking back at me. I felt such love, equally both ways.
Setting the scene. I love soap and I would tell people that I loved soap, so then I would get beautifully wrapped cakes of soap, I had this basket full of the soaps that people had given me, but I didn’t use them, I would just add them to my collection. (Strange I know).
Well in that moment of looking down on my two grandchildren who had very lovingly unwrapped all the soaps so that Nanny could use them, it was as if I got to feel how crazy that was, how unloving I was towards myself to not have been using the soaps that I had expressed that I love. But I felt the love that these two had dropped into my basket. A precious gift for me at a much deeper level. It was the wisdom that I got from these children. They knew that Nanny should have been using the soap. So why not open them to make it easy for her to use them.
From that moment on I started using the soaps until they were all gone. Now I have one in the bathroom that is opened and I use it if I have a bath.
Another time was when my granddaughter was going to her first social at school, she was in kindergarten. I was staying with them, and I thought, “Oh great I can help her get ready for the social.” I’m not a tizzy person but I could feel that I had gone into wanting to make her look pretty for the social.
Off she went collecting the things that she wanted to wear to the social, coming out and laying the collection of mismatched clothing on the floor. There were skirts, tops, knickers, socks, which didn’t match as it didn’t matter, they were adding to the rainbow that was about to emerge.
When she finished getting dressed, I stood there, spell bound. This little angel had dressed herself and was shining like a sparkling star. She looked gorgeous. I said to her that she looked beautiful. And her reply was, “I know Nanny”. To this day that moment makes my heart melt. This little gorgeous angel going off to the dance and I knew that she was going to get a lot of attention that may not be favourable. But she was protected as she knew what she was and what she was taking to this dance. Nothing was going to ruffle her feathers.
As time went on this ‘knowing’ started to diminish, as she was going through school and the world continued to throw its form of life at this young lady.
In the last few years this ‘knowing’ has returned, and in a conversation, I again said to her that she was beautiful, and the reply was, “I know Nanny”. There was no questioning, no apology.
The biggest reflection for me was a few months ago, someone said to me that I was awesome and amazing and what do you think I said? Straight out, no stopping to think, it was out and claimed in a second... “I KNOW”. I cried because I could feel that that lesson had been sitting there for me to claim for a long time – well probably for lifetimes.
Another time that was a life changing moment was when my grandson expressed something to me. The children were staying with us for the weekend, and we were all out in the garden. We were all doing our own thing, the children were playing whilst my husband and I were gardening.
As my grandson and I went inside to get some morning tea, he said to me that he didn’t like it that Poppy and I were fighting. I went to say that we were not fighting but had to stop in my tracks because in that moment I knew exactly what he was talking about. There had been no arguing, disagreements, no shouting. But what he was feeling was the tension between us. I love order and love to clear and tidy up before I start getting into gardening, and my husband likes to get the plants into the ground. “Don’t procrastinate, they can be growing while you’re thinking.”
This was a huge stop. An “Oh My God moment”, eye opener, head spinning. HUGE.
I couldn’t say anything. I was left speechless. Which is not that common an occurrence. What he had expressed I could say started to change my life. It has taken a long time to sink in how far widespread this is and how it affects everything.
For starters now when we go out to garden, I like to go for a walk together, around the house, talking about what we would like to do, how my husband sees what he wants to do, letting each other know our plans, and from there, as we are now connected, we can work in our own areas or with each other and it is coming from a place of being on the same page. It doesn’t matter if we have different ideas of how it is going to look, it then flows and there is no tension.
That comes back to the beginning of my conversation with my granddaughter about thinking that because I am the older one that I am the one with all the wisdom. But that is never the case.
Denise C., Australia
If you enjoyed this article for further reading you may also like:
Appreciating Children