Recently I had a realisation. I was having a conversation with a member of my family, after which I was able to reflect on what had occurred. I saw that her past hurts were still being played out in the present, and the part I played was that I enjoined in that by allowing these conversations to continue taking place.
Because I had an investment and an attachment to what she was recalling and also because I had the thought I might ‘lose’ her, I was going along with the way the conversation was heading yet again, and was not willing to make the choice to put a stop to it. I had to reflect honestly on the role I had played many times before. This took a willingness to take full responsibility for my actions.
It struck me how evil it is to enjoin or to try to keep the peace, for it doesn’t support or serve in any true way. It is just re-creating a version of the past over and over again, which in fact is burying the hurts deeper and deeper into the body. But even more harmful than allowing this train of conversation to continue, I realised it was not true love at play, it’s a false love which is very divisive. It is a separate way of being that affects not only the immediate family, but also humanity on the larger scale.
Could this be how wars come about? Haven’t we been shown over and over again throughout the records of history that it doesn’t work to gloss over the hurts in order to make peace? When a longed for peace happens without it resulting in a true healing and equal outcome for all, it is all still just simmering away under the surface ready to explode once again.
Holding onto things from the past that we have been hurt by affects everything and every relationship we have from that moment on. For example, if something doesn’t go according to the expectation we have, we react because we relate it to a past hurt that happened so long ago. We don’t trust, we close down, we withdraw, shut down our vulnerability and our transparency, all because we haven’t chosen to get to the root cause that we have been holding onto for so long. This needs to be dealt with even though the process may be painful to go back into, and it also requires a willingness to be totally honest.
We can’t change what happened, but we can choose to not fall into the same old pattern or have the same old reaction when faced with a situation that is occurring now in the present.
Is it any wonder there are wars when we are not willing to address the separation and divisiveness we hold onto with those who are closest to us? You can’t come back to harmony with the whole if you haven’t first come to a true harmonious way of being within yourself and those closest to you. After all, we are all part of the one humanity and when we begin to accept and embrace the magnificence of that, then the healing will naturally occur.
Deidre M., Australia
For further reading you may also like:
The Difference Between Peace and Harmony