 | With the realisation that good is an energy that has been insidiously infiltrated into every corner of society, with religious beliefs, family and education consciousnesses, social norms and our legal system, I have been reviewing how good played out in my life. Or rather how I have been affected by this entrenched ideal. |
To stop and to feel the enormity of the imposition of good has been mind-blowing. Literally. Good sets us up to be never good enough, always striving for some impossible perfection, betterment, goal, success or superiority over another.
Not being good puts us in the bad camp, and then we become good at being bad.
Being a good student when I was at school meant conforming to the rules, answering questions with the right answer, or keeping quiet in class, not questioning anything a teacher said.
It really was like being in a straight-jacket, constricting our natural expression to fit into a system not of our making.
In primary school there were many times that I squirmed in my seat when the teacher would ridicule another student, hit them or put them in the dunce’s corner for something the teacher considered was ‘bad’. This was just as horrible as if or when I was the object of attack.
The catholic religion is founded on good and bad, heaven and hell, saints and sinners and a judgemental God. Fear reigned, and punishment was its side-kick.
We had holy cards of saints (the good role models) being tortured by the bad enemies of their faith. In our religious education there was no mention of the crusades of slaughter that the catholic church carried out throughout Europe and many other countries. The catholic church was always on the good side.
At boarding school, I arrived feeling lost, separated from my home and family and I tried to be good, to work out how to fit in. I failed at times because there was a part of me unable to accept the rules and expectations that I felt were ridiculous. The length of hair, and uniforms, the type of shoes, the way we wore the school hats were very important to the ‘look’ of the school. At boarding school, we had to eat all of the food dished up, or be issued an extra chore as punishment. We had ‘lights out’ in the boarding house each night, and there was to be no talking after the nun had switched off the light. I tried to conform to the expectations while feeling rebellious on the inside, leading a double life that was complicated. This way of being left me insecure and anxious.
Living life trying to be good was like navigating my way through a minefield, always looking outside for clues or answers as to how to get to a place of settlement within myself.
My relationship with good and bad was so unhealthy that I suffered severe migraines from the frustration and resentment directed back at myself.
Good was lurking around the corner when I left school and went to art school. It was as an art student that I experimented with bad. Bad was more fun, more risky. Good returned when I was unsure about marrying, feeding ideals of marriage and motherhood. Ending a marriage felt like failure. Where were the answers? New age books looked good, they promised hope and delivered short term relief while you read them hoping that there would be something there to assuage the restlessness and sadness.
Being good or being good at being bad depletes the kidney energy, as we are never allowing ourselves to be true. Trying to be good means we are giving our power away to someone or an ideal or belief that we are holding onto. Good has us pleasing others, not rocking the boat, always looking outside for answers. We are never in our own authority when trying to be good, better or best. The energy of good is a heavy burden to carry through life.
And so, I slept with good until I finally woke up to its sneaky imposition and I dropped the gratuitous ‘o’. What about instead of being good I be like God? There is no good in Heaven.
Living with God is an alignment worth making. No more trying to be anything or someone to something outside us, instead being true to ourselves. I am celebrating stepping out of the false costume of individual goodness and it is a huge release. We are part of a magnificent Universal One-ness. We are multi-dimensional beings – more than human, held in a Field of Immeasurable Love as Serge Benhayon expressed in his book There is a Field of Immeasurable Love.
Every moment the evil of good is registered, nominated and renounced, there is more space for love and truth to be our lived way, for claiming our authority, living our inner truth, integrity, sensitivity and wisdom, restored to our multidimensionality.
Bernadette C., Australia
If you enjoyed this article, for further reading you may also like:
Crushed by Catholicism
Not being good puts us in the bad camp, and then we become good at being bad.
Being a good student when I was at school meant conforming to the rules, answering questions with the right answer, or keeping quiet in class, not questioning anything a teacher said.
It really was like being in a straight-jacket, constricting our natural expression to fit into a system not of our making.
In primary school there were many times that I squirmed in my seat when the teacher would ridicule another student, hit them or put them in the dunce’s corner for something the teacher considered was ‘bad’. This was just as horrible as if or when I was the object of attack.
The catholic religion is founded on good and bad, heaven and hell, saints and sinners and a judgemental God. Fear reigned, and punishment was its side-kick.
We had holy cards of saints (the good role models) being tortured by the bad enemies of their faith. In our religious education there was no mention of the crusades of slaughter that the catholic church carried out throughout Europe and many other countries. The catholic church was always on the good side.
At boarding school, I arrived feeling lost, separated from my home and family and I tried to be good, to work out how to fit in. I failed at times because there was a part of me unable to accept the rules and expectations that I felt were ridiculous. The length of hair, and uniforms, the type of shoes, the way we wore the school hats were very important to the ‘look’ of the school. At boarding school, we had to eat all of the food dished up, or be issued an extra chore as punishment. We had ‘lights out’ in the boarding house each night, and there was to be no talking after the nun had switched off the light. I tried to conform to the expectations while feeling rebellious on the inside, leading a double life that was complicated. This way of being left me insecure and anxious.
Living life trying to be good was like navigating my way through a minefield, always looking outside for clues or answers as to how to get to a place of settlement within myself.
My relationship with good and bad was so unhealthy that I suffered severe migraines from the frustration and resentment directed back at myself.
Good was lurking around the corner when I left school and went to art school. It was as an art student that I experimented with bad. Bad was more fun, more risky. Good returned when I was unsure about marrying, feeding ideals of marriage and motherhood. Ending a marriage felt like failure. Where were the answers? New age books looked good, they promised hope and delivered short term relief while you read them hoping that there would be something there to assuage the restlessness and sadness.
Being good or being good at being bad depletes the kidney energy, as we are never allowing ourselves to be true. Trying to be good means we are giving our power away to someone or an ideal or belief that we are holding onto. Good has us pleasing others, not rocking the boat, always looking outside for answers. We are never in our own authority when trying to be good, better or best. The energy of good is a heavy burden to carry through life.
And so, I slept with good until I finally woke up to its sneaky imposition and I dropped the gratuitous ‘o’. What about instead of being good I be like God? There is no good in Heaven.
Living with God is an alignment worth making. No more trying to be anything or someone to something outside us, instead being true to ourselves. I am celebrating stepping out of the false costume of individual goodness and it is a huge release. We are part of a magnificent Universal One-ness. We are multi-dimensional beings – more than human, held in a Field of Immeasurable Love as Serge Benhayon expressed in his book There is a Field of Immeasurable Love.
Every moment the evil of good is registered, nominated and renounced, there is more space for love and truth to be our lived way, for claiming our authority, living our inner truth, integrity, sensitivity and wisdom, restored to our multidimensionality.
Bernadette C., Australia
If you enjoyed this article, for further reading you may also like:
Crushed by Catholicism