 | I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted because I’ve allowed a force to throw me around and hurt me. I don’t mean physically, although ultimately the impact is physical. I mean energetically and emotionally. It was only words in an email exchange, but I felt a force behind the words that knocked me sideways. Was I imagining this? Did others feel it? |
Where was the opening that allowed this energy to find its way in and de-stabilise me? What was my particular vulnerability?
It had targeted all the gaps in my self-esteem, exposing pockets of self-doubt and the need (or desire) to be taken seriously and treated with respect. Something that may not have affected another person had in that moment ‘grabbed’ me and become my own personal devastation.
The human was affected. It is, after all, sensitive.
The Soul stood by and watched. She didn’t abandon me, she simply waited respectfully, observing how I dealt with the force and the tactics I used to numb the hurt and pain. Food and television distracted me for a while but as soon as that was over, the chitta-chatter of hurt returned.
It was only when I re-connected to my innermost self, my essence, allowing the Soul’s clear and gentle voice to guide me, that I was able to come out of the fug I was in.
It was simple really. ‘There’s nothing to do’, she whispered. ‘Let it go and get on with your day and the way out of this will be given to you.’
I know the Soul is neither female nor male, but in that moment the gentle stillness of the Soul’s voice felt deeply intimate and loving. There was a quality of repose and femaleness in that inner voice that had a deeply settling effect.
‘And move’, I added, silently smiling to myself as I stood up from the chair remembering that the only way out of a fug, a bog, or a hole you’ve dug yourself into is movement.
I knew the solution was to allow whatever was to be done to ‘drop in’. I didn’t have to figure anything out. So, I went for a walk in the cool fresh air of the early evening. As I walked, it came to me that drawing might be a helpful way of bringing myself back to my centre and that this could become a regular practice, using observation and stillness to draw the detail of a flower or any other object. I picked a delicate pink hibiscus and took it home with me. My first drawing in many years.
As I was getting into bed, the answer dropped in. ‘I’ll ring and talk it over with X tomorrow.’ And I slept.
On waking in the morning, the next part of the answer dropped in. ‘You don’t have to do anything. There’s nothing to do. Let it go. It’s been done.’
A deep settlement washed over me in that moment. The driving motion of the hurt I had taken on board, and the need to understand it or find a solution, was completely dissolved. There was nothing to do. Where I had been was now completely in ‘yesterday’, no longer present. The disturbance was gone, dissolved, evaporated.
But the impact of how I had been, had left my body exhausted.
I spent years as a younger woman being thrown around by my emotions, feeling the hurt and pain of relationships and life in general. I cried and I slept, feeling the exhaustion of emotional turmoil. Taking on emotions, both your own and other people’s, is de-stabilising and does immense harm to the body.
The body is delicate and sensitive and feels the impact of everything.
When we learn to use the body as a barometer of what is going on around and within us, it will communicate all that is there to be told. All it takes is for us to be willing, to be still and to listen.
It is only through connection to our essence, our Soul, that we can learn to be still in the midst of the craziness of life and the forces that come our way, sometimes through our thoughts when sitting alone and at other times through people.
The thoughts that come through when sitting alone can be self-denigrating, eroding our sense of self and throwing us into self-doubt. But when we feel it coming at us through another, there can be a tendency to take the hurt very personally and blame the other person.
However, while the hurt may make us want to blame the other person, it is important to realise that it is a force that comes through them, not from them. Much as we might want to personalise the hurt, when we recognise that it is coming through another person, which means it is not actually a part of them but something outside of them that finds its way into and through them, only then can we start to see what is really going on in this world.
It is all about energy.
Energies are passing through us all the time, although in our everyday world we are generally not aware of it. Becoming more aware supports us to reflect on the type of energy that is coming into us. Is it from the Soul or is it from another source, a force that is keeping us from connection to our Soul?
And when feeling the impact of negative thoughts attacking and undermining us, the way out is by recognising that these negative thoughts are not ours and they are definitely not from the Soul. Would the Soul speak to you like that? Simply asking this question supports us to re-align knowing that the essence of the Soul is Love.
Being able to remain still and steady – feeling the impact but not taking it into yourself – allows you to observe the destabilising effect of negative thoughts that come into us, and the play of energies coming through people and playing out between them. Staying steady supports us to observe the interplay of life in the knowing that it is a play of energies and not something personal between people, even if it looks like it is.
This is how we can live now and staying aligned to our Soul is what will support us.
If only I had known this when I was younger, I could have had a more joyful and enriching life, with a whole lot less drama and tears. But without any regret for what I didn’t know then, I know that I can now, and that I will take this great learning with me into my next life.
Judy F., Australia
If you enjoyed this article you may also like to read:
Is Disease Just Physical?
It had targeted all the gaps in my self-esteem, exposing pockets of self-doubt and the need (or desire) to be taken seriously and treated with respect. Something that may not have affected another person had in that moment ‘grabbed’ me and become my own personal devastation.
The human was affected. It is, after all, sensitive.
The Soul stood by and watched. She didn’t abandon me, she simply waited respectfully, observing how I dealt with the force and the tactics I used to numb the hurt and pain. Food and television distracted me for a while but as soon as that was over, the chitta-chatter of hurt returned.
It was only when I re-connected to my innermost self, my essence, allowing the Soul’s clear and gentle voice to guide me, that I was able to come out of the fug I was in.
It was simple really. ‘There’s nothing to do’, she whispered. ‘Let it go and get on with your day and the way out of this will be given to you.’
I know the Soul is neither female nor male, but in that moment the gentle stillness of the Soul’s voice felt deeply intimate and loving. There was a quality of repose and femaleness in that inner voice that had a deeply settling effect.
‘And move’, I added, silently smiling to myself as I stood up from the chair remembering that the only way out of a fug, a bog, or a hole you’ve dug yourself into is movement.
I knew the solution was to allow whatever was to be done to ‘drop in’. I didn’t have to figure anything out. So, I went for a walk in the cool fresh air of the early evening. As I walked, it came to me that drawing might be a helpful way of bringing myself back to my centre and that this could become a regular practice, using observation and stillness to draw the detail of a flower or any other object. I picked a delicate pink hibiscus and took it home with me. My first drawing in many years.
As I was getting into bed, the answer dropped in. ‘I’ll ring and talk it over with X tomorrow.’ And I slept.
On waking in the morning, the next part of the answer dropped in. ‘You don’t have to do anything. There’s nothing to do. Let it go. It’s been done.’
A deep settlement washed over me in that moment. The driving motion of the hurt I had taken on board, and the need to understand it or find a solution, was completely dissolved. There was nothing to do. Where I had been was now completely in ‘yesterday’, no longer present. The disturbance was gone, dissolved, evaporated.
But the impact of how I had been, had left my body exhausted.
I spent years as a younger woman being thrown around by my emotions, feeling the hurt and pain of relationships and life in general. I cried and I slept, feeling the exhaustion of emotional turmoil. Taking on emotions, both your own and other people’s, is de-stabilising and does immense harm to the body.
The body is delicate and sensitive and feels the impact of everything.
When we learn to use the body as a barometer of what is going on around and within us, it will communicate all that is there to be told. All it takes is for us to be willing, to be still and to listen.
It is only through connection to our essence, our Soul, that we can learn to be still in the midst of the craziness of life and the forces that come our way, sometimes through our thoughts when sitting alone and at other times through people.
The thoughts that come through when sitting alone can be self-denigrating, eroding our sense of self and throwing us into self-doubt. But when we feel it coming at us through another, there can be a tendency to take the hurt very personally and blame the other person.
However, while the hurt may make us want to blame the other person, it is important to realise that it is a force that comes through them, not from them. Much as we might want to personalise the hurt, when we recognise that it is coming through another person, which means it is not actually a part of them but something outside of them that finds its way into and through them, only then can we start to see what is really going on in this world.
It is all about energy.
Energies are passing through us all the time, although in our everyday world we are generally not aware of it. Becoming more aware supports us to reflect on the type of energy that is coming into us. Is it from the Soul or is it from another source, a force that is keeping us from connection to our Soul?
And when feeling the impact of negative thoughts attacking and undermining us, the way out is by recognising that these negative thoughts are not ours and they are definitely not from the Soul. Would the Soul speak to you like that? Simply asking this question supports us to re-align knowing that the essence of the Soul is Love.
Being able to remain still and steady – feeling the impact but not taking it into yourself – allows you to observe the destabilising effect of negative thoughts that come into us, and the play of energies coming through people and playing out between them. Staying steady supports us to observe the interplay of life in the knowing that it is a play of energies and not something personal between people, even if it looks like it is.
This is how we can live now and staying aligned to our Soul is what will support us.
If only I had known this when I was younger, I could have had a more joyful and enriching life, with a whole lot less drama and tears. But without any regret for what I didn’t know then, I know that I can now, and that I will take this great learning with me into my next life.
Judy F., Australia
If you enjoyed this article you may also like to read:
Is Disease Just Physical?