 | I had never broken a bone in my life. So, breaking my right foot at the age of 69 was quite an experience, interesting, new, challenging and brought some great learning. On the physical, temporal side I was not fully present in my body when I was helping a friend declutter her garage and not fully aware of my movements within and around all the things that were on the floor. |
Looking at the energetic cause of the fall, earlier in the morning I received an internal message to cancel my offer of help because I felt very delicate and vulnerable that morning. I did not listen to it or to my body saying, ‘maybe not today, I need to rest.’
I like to do what I say. (Where does that come from? What a false picture/ideal to override, in this case, what the body needed!) So, I did not want to withdraw my offer of help, helping being my ‘thing’. Something else to look at, like do I get my self-worth from what I do, like helping others?
I became aware over the last decade or so that throughout my life I got self-worth from ‘doing’ but I don’t observe the energy I am in. I pondered on why I don’t get my self-worth from being the true Divine being that I really am. There is no truth in helping or supporting others when it comes from the wrong energy like from ‘I should, I want to, I said I would, I/my body is less important than keeping to what I said I would do, it will make me feel good’…
By disregarding the message from my Soul and my body, it made my helping not true and this decision had consequences. I received a light warning first: when carrying a single mattress with my friend from one room to another I hurt my back walking backwards into the corner of a partition wall behind me. I ignored the warning and the pain.
A few minutes later in the garage stepping back I tripped over something behind me and – broke my foot, a tricky fracture at that.
I obviously needed a full stop – not being able to drive for six weeks and in a CAM/moon boot, and for half of that time on crutches. I can feel how this break is offering me to break something nothing else was able to, break the old patterns and ways of doing things, allowing useless thoughts and worries, doing what I want to do and not listening to what I am called to do or be, etc.
A simple clear reading of the fall was that the breaking of the foot meant I haven’t put my foot down and said NO – ENOUGH! NO MORE! To say no to the energy that keeps distracting me from living in the present and instead follow what God, my Soul, my body is telling me. To stop. To not pay attention to those useless thoughts. Instead, to be in my body and in the full presence of what my body is doing.
I hobbled around on crutches and a CAM/moon boot on my right foot. After a few days I was able to put some weight on my right heel. I wasn’t leaving my room much because there were a number of stairs, I had to climb to leave my bedroom and then more stairs throughout the house.
Not driving and having food was very challenging besides other things.
I took up the offer of a friend to come to her house for a couple of weeks as there were no stairs to climb, everything was flat and it was easy for me to move around.
I also had an honest look at why support from my three housemates was not happening. I expected to be cared for, just how I would care for others with unconditional and considerate care. I remember observing my mother caring unconditionally for my dad who was bedridden for many years
My expectations lead to unfulfilled expectations and then to resentments resulting in a ‘poor me’ victim energy. Letting all that go accelerated the healing.
Nobody likes looking after a ‘poor me’ victim, except people who are in sympathy and their help/support is poisonous. The energy of a victim, especially if full of entitlement, is just as poisonous and repulsing.
Getting resentful for not being cared for how I would do it means I have expectations and I feel entitled and demand the same care I would give.
I can’t expect other people to do how I would do something. As I don’t necessarily do something how someone else does it.
I expected people to be as considerate as I am and to know what I might need or like e.g., a cup of tea in the morning. If I am resentful because my expectations are not fulfilled, this will be felt by others and the asking can come out with an energy of demand. That does not support the care giver to help joyfully or might even push them fully away, not wanting to help at all.
If I am coming with entitlement, victimhood or a ‘poor me’ attitude, I won’t get joyful support.
When I am surrendered and joyful myself (yes, that is possible when sick, despite pain) and take responsibility for and accept what happened or happens and learn from it, it can be a great healing. I now do what I can to look after myself and I appreciate any support that is joyfully given.
If I am in the position of not being able to choose my carer nor how I am cared for, like for example in hospital, I surrender. I ask for what I need – without any expectation.
Anonymous
If you enjoyed this article for further reading you may also like to read:
A Sense of Entitlement
I like to do what I say. (Where does that come from? What a false picture/ideal to override, in this case, what the body needed!) So, I did not want to withdraw my offer of help, helping being my ‘thing’. Something else to look at, like do I get my self-worth from what I do, like helping others?
I became aware over the last decade or so that throughout my life I got self-worth from ‘doing’ but I don’t observe the energy I am in. I pondered on why I don’t get my self-worth from being the true Divine being that I really am. There is no truth in helping or supporting others when it comes from the wrong energy like from ‘I should, I want to, I said I would, I/my body is less important than keeping to what I said I would do, it will make me feel good’…
By disregarding the message from my Soul and my body, it made my helping not true and this decision had consequences. I received a light warning first: when carrying a single mattress with my friend from one room to another I hurt my back walking backwards into the corner of a partition wall behind me. I ignored the warning and the pain.
A few minutes later in the garage stepping back I tripped over something behind me and – broke my foot, a tricky fracture at that.
I obviously needed a full stop – not being able to drive for six weeks and in a CAM/moon boot, and for half of that time on crutches. I can feel how this break is offering me to break something nothing else was able to, break the old patterns and ways of doing things, allowing useless thoughts and worries, doing what I want to do and not listening to what I am called to do or be, etc.
A simple clear reading of the fall was that the breaking of the foot meant I haven’t put my foot down and said NO – ENOUGH! NO MORE! To say no to the energy that keeps distracting me from living in the present and instead follow what God, my Soul, my body is telling me. To stop. To not pay attention to those useless thoughts. Instead, to be in my body and in the full presence of what my body is doing.
I hobbled around on crutches and a CAM/moon boot on my right foot. After a few days I was able to put some weight on my right heel. I wasn’t leaving my room much because there were a number of stairs, I had to climb to leave my bedroom and then more stairs throughout the house.
Not driving and having food was very challenging besides other things.
I took up the offer of a friend to come to her house for a couple of weeks as there were no stairs to climb, everything was flat and it was easy for me to move around.
I also had an honest look at why support from my three housemates was not happening. I expected to be cared for, just how I would care for others with unconditional and considerate care. I remember observing my mother caring unconditionally for my dad who was bedridden for many years
My expectations lead to unfulfilled expectations and then to resentments resulting in a ‘poor me’ victim energy. Letting all that go accelerated the healing.
Nobody likes looking after a ‘poor me’ victim, except people who are in sympathy and their help/support is poisonous. The energy of a victim, especially if full of entitlement, is just as poisonous and repulsing.
Getting resentful for not being cared for how I would do it means I have expectations and I feel entitled and demand the same care I would give.
I can’t expect other people to do how I would do something. As I don’t necessarily do something how someone else does it.
I expected people to be as considerate as I am and to know what I might need or like e.g., a cup of tea in the morning. If I am resentful because my expectations are not fulfilled, this will be felt by others and the asking can come out with an energy of demand. That does not support the care giver to help joyfully or might even push them fully away, not wanting to help at all.
If I am coming with entitlement, victimhood or a ‘poor me’ attitude, I won’t get joyful support.
When I am surrendered and joyful myself (yes, that is possible when sick, despite pain) and take responsibility for and accept what happened or happens and learn from it, it can be a great healing. I now do what I can to look after myself and I appreciate any support that is joyfully given.
If I am in the position of not being able to choose my carer nor how I am cared for, like for example in hospital, I surrender. I ask for what I need – without any expectation.
Anonymous
If you enjoyed this article for further reading you may also like to read:
A Sense of Entitlement