To begin my story, I felt to look up the definition of what ‘Celebrate’ means. This excerpt is taken directly from the Cambridge dictionary: “To take part in special enjoyable activities in order to show that a particular occasion is important.” For most of my life family celebrations have not been a source of enjoyment. |
As I was growing up in our family home when a celebration was to be held such as at Christmas, Easter, parties for special occasions or even visitors just coming over for the evening, then it was always stressful, tense and overall a pretty miserable experience during the preparation stages, the event itself and then the clean up afterwards.
As the celebration neared, the house which was always spotless and cleaned within an inch of its life normally, had to be cleaned again. My mother would be tense for days or weeks depending on what the celebration was going to be, a smallish event was not so drawn out and miserable but a big celebration like Christmas just seemed to be a never-ending saga.
Growing up as young girl, December was for the most part a write-off. On one hand school was finished for the year and I would be looking forward to the eight weeks of holiday time when supposedly we could just play and explore, but instead we couldn’t really relax and have fun because Jesus hadn’t been born yet, so celebrating the holidays and having fun was not going to happen until the 25th December. Mum would use this time to ensure that the house was again cleaned from top to bottom. I wouldn’t say that my siblings or I were lazy, it was more the way we had to do the chores; there was no joy or lightness, it was all serious and if we didn’t do it right then we would cop it big time.
All we wanted was to escape from the stranglehold of rules and conditions to just play and be light-hearted.
The planning and preparation for Christmas day plus the burden of buying our gifts was an exhausting and stressful time for my parents. Money was not something that grew on a tree; dad provided very well for mum and their six children but there was very little left over once the everyday expenses were paid for, so to save for gifts and special food for the big day would have brought its own stresses to my parents. Being a young child, I was totally oblivious to this aspect of the Christmas celebration or for any of our birthday celebrations for that matter.
All I can remember is that leading up to Christmas day was horrible, the day itself felt rushed. When the meal was ready, it had to be served up straight away, everyone had to grab a plate and sit down and start eating before it got cold. Mum would be stressed to the eyeballs trying to juggle all the pots and baking dishes and we just wanted to keep out of her way as much as possible, which wasn’t easy as she was usually barking some sort of order at us. I actually didn't really like food, so having to endure the big roast dinner with vegetables was not something that I even looked forward to, to make it worse I didn’t like sweets either, so this part of the day wasn’t one I anticipated with any pleasure.
As I became a teenager, I could sense that my elder siblings and their partners never really wanted to be there, but everyone put on the happy face and pretended as if they did. Before you knew it, the meal plus clean up would be completed. Always as soon as the meal and clean up were completed my elder siblings and their partners would be heading out the door, no doubt glad to be getting out of there. At this point there was always a feeling of emptiness and sadness that would come over me, knowing that I would be left there with just my sister, back to the reality of living in a family where joy and harmony were not an option. The conversations at our family gatherings were always measured, there was very little that we could openly discuss with our parents because they had extremely strong catholic views and would not entertain anything outside of this dogma. So my siblings would discuss sport, sport and then even more sport, when they ran out of that conversation it would drift towards their work, or buying a new home or car or something, but we could never discuss anything that was really going on in our lives as we would have been judged and severely remonstrated.
I have often pondered why it was especially so very important to my mother that the family all get together on special occasions. She put such a huge emphasis on family and that we must stick together and always get along with each other, when in fact as we got older some of us given the chance would much rather spend those special occasions with people who we really felt connected with and who didn’t judge us.
After I had married and had my own children it was many years before I broke away from the shackles and conditions associated with celebrations that I had experienced growing up in the family home, only to then experience another form of non-celebration. For several years celebrations became close to non-existent within my own family. The partner I was with had his own damaged experiences from family celebrations so then any remaining joy that I may have felt towards a special celebration was completely destroyed and instead I took on the belief that it was a complete waste of time to celebrate anything. I would try and pretend that it didn’t matter, but I am fully aware that there was an incredible sadness within and a deep longing to be a part of the excitement, joy, and fun of what I could see others experiencing during those years.
It has taken a great number of years to break free from the restraints and conditions that I took on from other people and their relationship with celebrations and I can now see the glorious and joyful purpose in truly and openly celebrating with others. I can honestly say that I love being a part of a celebration, the warmth and love shared is something not to be missed and slowly but surely I am making up for all those lost years. It doesn’t have to be a grandiose affair or even a gift-giving celebration. I actually love being with others and getting involved in the preparation of an event, this can be as enriching as the event itself.
What I absolutely love about a celebration is spending time with people I cherish, people I can truly and freely express with to engage in conversations that uplift us all.
Annie M., Australia
If you enjoyed this article you may also like to read:
Birthday Celebrations
As the celebration neared, the house which was always spotless and cleaned within an inch of its life normally, had to be cleaned again. My mother would be tense for days or weeks depending on what the celebration was going to be, a smallish event was not so drawn out and miserable but a big celebration like Christmas just seemed to be a never-ending saga.
Growing up as young girl, December was for the most part a write-off. On one hand school was finished for the year and I would be looking forward to the eight weeks of holiday time when supposedly we could just play and explore, but instead we couldn’t really relax and have fun because Jesus hadn’t been born yet, so celebrating the holidays and having fun was not going to happen until the 25th December. Mum would use this time to ensure that the house was again cleaned from top to bottom. I wouldn’t say that my siblings or I were lazy, it was more the way we had to do the chores; there was no joy or lightness, it was all serious and if we didn’t do it right then we would cop it big time.
All we wanted was to escape from the stranglehold of rules and conditions to just play and be light-hearted.
The planning and preparation for Christmas day plus the burden of buying our gifts was an exhausting and stressful time for my parents. Money was not something that grew on a tree; dad provided very well for mum and their six children but there was very little left over once the everyday expenses were paid for, so to save for gifts and special food for the big day would have brought its own stresses to my parents. Being a young child, I was totally oblivious to this aspect of the Christmas celebration or for any of our birthday celebrations for that matter.
All I can remember is that leading up to Christmas day was horrible, the day itself felt rushed. When the meal was ready, it had to be served up straight away, everyone had to grab a plate and sit down and start eating before it got cold. Mum would be stressed to the eyeballs trying to juggle all the pots and baking dishes and we just wanted to keep out of her way as much as possible, which wasn’t easy as she was usually barking some sort of order at us. I actually didn't really like food, so having to endure the big roast dinner with vegetables was not something that I even looked forward to, to make it worse I didn’t like sweets either, so this part of the day wasn’t one I anticipated with any pleasure.
As I became a teenager, I could sense that my elder siblings and their partners never really wanted to be there, but everyone put on the happy face and pretended as if they did. Before you knew it, the meal plus clean up would be completed. Always as soon as the meal and clean up were completed my elder siblings and their partners would be heading out the door, no doubt glad to be getting out of there. At this point there was always a feeling of emptiness and sadness that would come over me, knowing that I would be left there with just my sister, back to the reality of living in a family where joy and harmony were not an option. The conversations at our family gatherings were always measured, there was very little that we could openly discuss with our parents because they had extremely strong catholic views and would not entertain anything outside of this dogma. So my siblings would discuss sport, sport and then even more sport, when they ran out of that conversation it would drift towards their work, or buying a new home or car or something, but we could never discuss anything that was really going on in our lives as we would have been judged and severely remonstrated.
I have often pondered why it was especially so very important to my mother that the family all get together on special occasions. She put such a huge emphasis on family and that we must stick together and always get along with each other, when in fact as we got older some of us given the chance would much rather spend those special occasions with people who we really felt connected with and who didn’t judge us.
After I had married and had my own children it was many years before I broke away from the shackles and conditions associated with celebrations that I had experienced growing up in the family home, only to then experience another form of non-celebration. For several years celebrations became close to non-existent within my own family. The partner I was with had his own damaged experiences from family celebrations so then any remaining joy that I may have felt towards a special celebration was completely destroyed and instead I took on the belief that it was a complete waste of time to celebrate anything. I would try and pretend that it didn’t matter, but I am fully aware that there was an incredible sadness within and a deep longing to be a part of the excitement, joy, and fun of what I could see others experiencing during those years.
It has taken a great number of years to break free from the restraints and conditions that I took on from other people and their relationship with celebrations and I can now see the glorious and joyful purpose in truly and openly celebrating with others. I can honestly say that I love being a part of a celebration, the warmth and love shared is something not to be missed and slowly but surely I am making up for all those lost years. It doesn’t have to be a grandiose affair or even a gift-giving celebration. I actually love being with others and getting involved in the preparation of an event, this can be as enriching as the event itself.
What I absolutely love about a celebration is spending time with people I cherish, people I can truly and freely express with to engage in conversations that uplift us all.
Annie M., Australia
If you enjoyed this article you may also like to read:
Birthday Celebrations