 | When we are aware that we are close to dying, we become sensitive as to how we are leaving our personal relationships with family and friends as well as our relationship with ourselves. There can be huge regret, which can engulf us as grief if we have ‘unfinished business’. |
For example, disagreements or misunderstandings that have never been resolved or, if we have never fully said how much we love someone, how much we appreciate them or told them something we feel is important.
Before we can look at our relationship with others, we need to very honestly examine our relationship with ‘self’ – to ask ourselves if we are still carrying any unresolved grief, resentment, regrets, guilt, anger or other negative emotions, which may hinder a settled and joy-full passing.
We first have to acknowledge, accept and heal our own hurts before we can give attention to any unsettling and unresolved relationships with others.
By bringing understanding and not reacting we can heal the relationship within ourselves, which may not always necessitate physical contact with the other person who may still carry an issue with us but we can heal our part of the relationship.
This can be done in the simplest of ways as shared by a Palliative Care Volunteer who often sits and listens to patients as they look back on their lives:
“One morning I came across a tiny elderly lady sitting in a big chair, her head hung deep down towards her chest . . . eventually her tiny face very slowly looked over to my direction – a very lost saddened expression. I walked over to sit beside her and placed my hand on hers and asked what she was thinking.
"In a weak voice she said “About my friends . . . three women I used to have coffee with every morning.” I asked her if she sees them at all now and she said “No, because of what I told them, I have not seen them for a very long time.” I asked her if she told them the truth. With that she looked right up at me and said “No”.
"I shared with her that she can sit and connect with her friends and inwardly express her truth to them and that they would energetically feel her.
"At first there was no reply, she sat there with her head down for quite sometime. After a while I could feel the energy shift in the room and her body became lighter and then she ever so gently raised her head, looked into my eyes and smiled as if she had received the best gift ever. She said in a clear voice “Thank You”. I smiled back and left the room.”
Having an honest look at ourselves also includes being aware of any attachments we may still be holding, be they to people, pets, possessions or to any other aspect of human life. The more we are prepared to look at these attachments, or to life itself, the easier our passing can become as they hold us back and prevent us from letting go.
Clinging to our physical body and to people and things that we treasure in life prevents us from gently surrendering to the completion of our physical life.
The process of letting go of attachments can begin at any age or stage of life. It does not mean that we are giving up, it means that we are fully committed to life but without the hindrance of attachments.
Accepting that death is a necessary and normal step in the cycle of living and dying offers us an opportunity to understand the responsibility we have to resolve our relationships and to let go of anything and everything that will prevent us from surrendering to the dying process.
D&D Writing Team, UK & Australia
A Gentle Touch of Love
Before we can look at our relationship with others, we need to very honestly examine our relationship with ‘self’ – to ask ourselves if we are still carrying any unresolved grief, resentment, regrets, guilt, anger or other negative emotions, which may hinder a settled and joy-full passing.
We first have to acknowledge, accept and heal our own hurts before we can give attention to any unsettling and unresolved relationships with others.
By bringing understanding and not reacting we can heal the relationship within ourselves, which may not always necessitate physical contact with the other person who may still carry an issue with us but we can heal our part of the relationship.
This can be done in the simplest of ways as shared by a Palliative Care Volunteer who often sits and listens to patients as they look back on their lives:
“One morning I came across a tiny elderly lady sitting in a big chair, her head hung deep down towards her chest . . . eventually her tiny face very slowly looked over to my direction – a very lost saddened expression. I walked over to sit beside her and placed my hand on hers and asked what she was thinking.
"In a weak voice she said “About my friends . . . three women I used to have coffee with every morning.” I asked her if she sees them at all now and she said “No, because of what I told them, I have not seen them for a very long time.” I asked her if she told them the truth. With that she looked right up at me and said “No”.
"I shared with her that she can sit and connect with her friends and inwardly express her truth to them and that they would energetically feel her.
"At first there was no reply, she sat there with her head down for quite sometime. After a while I could feel the energy shift in the room and her body became lighter and then she ever so gently raised her head, looked into my eyes and smiled as if she had received the best gift ever. She said in a clear voice “Thank You”. I smiled back and left the room.”
Having an honest look at ourselves also includes being aware of any attachments we may still be holding, be they to people, pets, possessions or to any other aspect of human life. The more we are prepared to look at these attachments, or to life itself, the easier our passing can become as they hold us back and prevent us from letting go.
Clinging to our physical body and to people and things that we treasure in life prevents us from gently surrendering to the completion of our physical life.
The process of letting go of attachments can begin at any age or stage of life. It does not mean that we are giving up, it means that we are fully committed to life but without the hindrance of attachments.
Accepting that death is a necessary and normal step in the cycle of living and dying offers us an opportunity to understand the responsibility we have to resolve our relationships and to let go of anything and everything that will prevent us from surrendering to the dying process.
D&D Writing Team, UK & Australia
A Gentle Touch of Love