Have you ever reflected how you would be if you were suddenly told that you may not have a great deal of time left in this life?
I have an inherited condition that means my vascular connective tissue is not as robust as it could be. I have lived most of my life unaware of this but looking back I can see many things that have been offering me clues.
With this understanding of the vulnerability of my vascular system I realised that I had an excellent reason to take particular care of my body – and also the realisation that for much of my life I had over-ridden the aches and pains and the bruises.
The teachings of the Ageless Wisdom presented by Universal Medicine have offered me the opportunity to take stock of how I had been living and to decide to make changes. I have felt my body give a big sigh of “Oh, at last, she is getting the message. Now, how about this?”
During last year I suddenly developed a rather potent dose of bacterial pneumonia that stopped me in my tracks and made me realise that I still had a lot to learn in caring for myself.
My convalescence and recovery was slow and I found the world didn’t come to an end when I stopped ‘doing’ so much.
At the six-week check-up I breezed into the hospital for an X-ray expecting to be given the all clear. Not so fast. The X-ray showed that there was still something amiss so I was sent for a CT scan, which showed that I had a pulmonary effusion around my left lung.
So another appointment to have the fluid drained, with a speedy follow-up appointment as a pulmonary effusion is frequently associated with cancer of the lung. This was not the case BUT the scan had also revealed that I had an aneurysm on the hepatic artery, an aneurysm that was not present six weeks previously when I developed pneumonia.
A reality check. I felt very vulnerable especially when I asked the doctor “How imminent is this?” and his reply “Very imminent because it has developed so rapidly.” I was referred to a specialist liver hospital in London but on reviewing the X-rays and scans it showed that an operation to insert a stent was not viable owing to the position of the aneurysm.
I was aware that any operation would be high risk owing to the fragile state of the vascular system so this came as something of a relief. The consultant at the local hospital shared with me that I was his only patient with my condition, so I said we would learn about it together. He was clearly very surprised at my acceptance of the condition and steadiness in understanding the prognosis.
At first I woke each morning wondering if I would be alive to go to bed that night and every twinge and niggle of discomfort or pain became an alarm bell. I wasn’t really living, I was waiting to die.
So I made the choice to live each day as fully as possible while taking care of myself and allowing my Soul to choose the when and where of my departure.
I realised that I had accepted that I may not have a great deal of time left in this life but was definitely upset by knowing the sadness my death would and will cause to my family.
It was an opportunity to clear out a lot of accumulated paperwork and possessions. My sock drawer has never been so organised.
I settled a lot of preparations by checking my will, power of attorney, Living Will, list of wishes, list of who to inform with all relevant contact details. I had a meeting with a funeral director and answered all the questions that would be asked of the family. So I thought I was well prepared and could get on with living, but the knowing of the impending sadness for my family still lingered.
I had an Esoteric Body Work (Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy) session with a practitioner and shared what was worrying me. He asked me to feel what was there and I felt the sadness welling up. He told me that underneath the sadness was sympathy for others. Yuk. I instantly felt the truth of this. This was the ‘mummy stuff’ raising its head again in that I could not trust my family to deal with the sadness they were feeling and I was taking it on. With this understanding the sadness cleared.
I don’t know when my time to complete this life will arrive but I do know that the love I have learned to feel for myself and shared with others is a blessing and gift for us all.
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