MEMORIES . . . A GIFT OR A BANE?

29/3/2018

As we grow older it is generally accepted that we will start to lose some ability to recall our memory, (if not all of it), and there will be many reawakened memories of the past which will be more vivid than our everyday present experiences.

Do our memories come carried with an emotional charge being so tightly linked to happiness, joy, grief or anger?

Do we tend to remember the more traumatic events and the intensity of this memory is so magnified that we go into nostalgia in remembering what could have or even should have been.

So what triggers strong memories and then incites nostalgia? For many people, as they grow older this all-consuming nostalgia of reaching back to the past seems to bring some comfort, space and security, offering a way of holding on to our memories of all that has been in their lives.

Is this the power of our memories? Or can our memories be just a window to look back and celebrate the many achievements, the many connections and the many celebratory events that have made up one’s life’s experiences whilst we don’t lose our ability to truly value and appreciate the joyfulness of the present

We invite you to join our Topic of Conversation and express how you feel about the Power of our memories.

9 Comments

Anne McRitchie

31/3/2018 11:21:23 am

At one time in my life memories had a powerful grip over me - I was either living in the past or living some fantasised future and therefore never really present in the moment. After turning sixty and making a deliberate change in the way I was in life - by dropping off ideals and beliefs and living more lovingly with self and others - memories and fantasies have no place in my life as I live joy-fully in the present moment.

Anne Hart

31/3/2018 05:39:35 pm

When I was young I had the idea that life stood still after a certain age 'when I get old' – maybe I gained that impression from listening to family talk. Now at the ripe age of 68 I see that memories are great points of reflection; by looking back I can see how much my understanding of life is ever expanding and deepening, and that there is no space for dwelling in nostalgia.

Joan Calderm

1/4/2018 02:30:53 am

I have often become aware that the memories of the past that are more easily accessible are connected to some moment heightened by intense feelings of joy, pain,, hurt, satisfaction, fury, sadness, and so on, There are also occasions where there has been a turn around in your life because of some incident, a kind of watershed between two parts of your life.

I came to realise when I was in my sixties that the memories that carried that emotional charge held me captive in a continually magnifying picture of what might not actually be the truth. This is true for both joys and pleasure, and the opposite, -- the fears and panics and the griefs. Investment in either seems like a holding back now, if I indulge in them i feel myself leaving the world and investing in what is now no longer a reality.

Of course our past and how we lived it contributes to how we are now in the present moment, and that is where the value of memories lies, if we can look at them objectively as a learning tool for change. So maybe I say to myself "Oh, how I loved doing that!" and then I can ask myself some questions about what it really felt like, did I truly love it, what else was going on at the time, is it still relevant for today as I am now? Am I still making the same choices? After all a lot of life has been lived in between.

The past certainly provides much information about how as a society we lived then, what beliefs, ideals, values we lived by that formed our development all together. But talking to others about "how it was back then in the good old days" can be so detrimental to how we can live NOW, if we look at it with nostalgia because we do not want to leave what feels like a safe comfortable place. But again, if we take a step back and ask what was beneficial to us and what was not, then we can learn and grow in a present wisdom from the experience.

Beverley Croft

1/4/2018 02:42:54 pm

I often find when I look back at my memories, I can now see much more clearly the truth of many situations where I had thought I had been ' badly done by', for example blaming the other for the situations I found myself in. I would wallow in misery for myself, constantly blaming the other person. But as I have aged I have come to realize my own part in so many parts of my life. It is amazing the understanding that can develop when we are willing to look really honestly at our life, the turn around that can occur. We can become so bitter when we let ourselves wallow like that. How freeing it is to be willing to become responsible for the things that happen, we are the ones who are responsible for our choices, we are the ones who can change our choices.

Now I am building such different memories, I experience such joy in my life now, and I no longer get highly emotional about things, I deal with anything that needs to be at the time, so there are no more recriminations to look back at, trying to work out how I should have approached things, said things differently. No need when we deal with things at the moment.

A complete turnaround in my life, no more looking back with nostalgia or regret, I too live now in the moment, every moment is so precious. I love life!

Adrienne

1/4/2018 03:58:27 pm

There is a beautiful children's book by Mem Fox called 'Wilfred, Gordon, MacDonald, Partridge' and it is all about how memories and our senses work together, how a seashell brings back a family holiday at the beach for example, showing that there is a relationship between the things we see, touch, taste, hear, smell and feel and memories. Beyond the richness of these sensory library openers, are the memories we can sense but have no detailed recall for such as meeting someone for the first time but feeling like you've been friends for years or being in a place unvisited before and yet knowing it.

Gwen Styger

1/8/2018 07:42:48 am

Recently I was ill and during that time of bedrest many old memories came to me - unbidden and crystal clear. It was as if I was being given a chance to review parts of my life, a chance to observe how these events had shaped me, a chance to see them as markers of how differently I now live my life and a chance to say goodbye to them. One by one they rolled through me as if I was watching a movie screen and one by one I appreciated the role that the events that became these memories had had in my life. When the show finished, I felt clean and clear and deeply amazed and appreciative of being "sick" this time around.

Julie Chung

1/9/2018 06:22:03 am

Joan, I absolutely love what you have shared here, particularly this part where you say, this is true for both joys and pleasure, and the opposite, -- the fears and panics and the griefs. Investment in either seems like a holding back now, if I indulge in them i feel myself leaving the world and investing in what is now no longer a reality. A little while back I started to feel the disconnect that you can go into when you do reminisce about the past, and how the feelings that we have held onto were really laced with the good feeling around something, but not actually a true feeling that was based on love, or a truly evolving moment or feeling of true enjoyment. And I have felt for myself that when I have done that, I have actually locked myself into a level or standard that I have then settled on which feels quite restrictive and held back. Honouring and appreciating moments that are truly joyful and/or that bring growth and change are our little signal that says, beautiful, you've said yes to that, so what's next? This way we allow a natural flow and deepening of ourselves and where we can go to. Thank-you Joan your expression here is truly valued.

Joan Calder

1/11/2018 06:56:03 am

Julie, thank you for your response to my comment. I am intrigued and curious about the contrast between our two comments and Gwen’s experience. It seems that when you are surrendering the body to the experience it is going through, that memories surface and can pour through you like dreams. I love the feeling of Gwen’s clearing, the allowing of the unsought memory, nothing to do with seeking comfort from the past but like a gift from the soul so that those memories can be left behind, just as much as I am aware that when we do hold onto them from survival feelings I feel unsatisfied and ultimately empty., which causes me to seek them again.

Lorraine Harris

30/4/2019 05:02:56 pm

Loving the comments each person brings to this theme. I have observed lately that past memories that held an emotional charge are no longer having a hold over me! I can look through a more aware filter, seeing the bigger picture and the part I played then is no longer relevant now. It was where I was at that stage in my life but with more understanding, I can observe those memories knowing it was just part of the rich tapestry of life and simply that, just memories of a moment in time.

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MEMORIES . . . A GIFT OR A BANE?

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