MAKING THE MOST OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS

30/4/2017

In our Join a Conversation Topic we will explore relationships, the role our choices play and the joy of connecting with others in a range of differing relationships.

We don’t have to be in a partnership or marriage, to be in a ‘relationship’. In fact, we are always in relationship with others in everything that we do. Most people have a myriad of relationships as they move through the different stages of their lives – with parents, step parents, grandparents, close family members, siblings, baby sitters, friends, teachers, lovers, partners, work colleagues, shop keepers, service providers, etc., not to mention those relationships we have with our pets!

Both sides of the relationship come with a set of expectations, learned ideals and beliefs about what the relationship entails.

When we look around us, we see very few ‘relationships’ that are true. By ‘true’, we mean blossoming, with each party being full and vital and naturally themselves.
Is it worth considering that in many of our relationships both parties:

Find themselves holding back and waiting to see what the other is going to bring, before measuring out what each will give to the relationship
Hold themselves closed and somewhat distant until it is proven that it is safe to let down their guard
Find themselves not opening up and letting the other see all that they are – their true essence.

It is great to stop and observe – what is it that we bring to our relationships? Is it fair to say that each person really does want to have a genuine relationship with others and to be seen for who they truly are?

We invite your comments to start this conversation on:
Making the most of our Relationships - Is there another way to be in relationships, which is respectful for self and others and which allows us to retain the essential ‘me’.

Let the conversation begin . . .

6 Comments

Joan Christine Calder

10/3/2017 06:48:39 am

The word relationship, and indeed the concept of it too, was never mentioned at home when I was growing up, and I never realised there were different ways of approaching how we communicated with another person till I was in my forties,and although I was very aware of the uncomfortable situations I could land myself in, I didn't know how to resolve them, and I usually made excuses for myself and blamed the other person. Over the last thirty years since then it has been a joy to discover that there is a way out of the continual round of habitual reactions to others. This is by being honest and allowing myself to be vulnerable and express my feelings, without emotional reaction, just speaking truth. My partner and I of the last ten years have a completely different way of connecting with each other now. In the beginning we were like a couple of teenagers but today we have an understanding, a respect, and deepening love as they years go by. .We can still fall into the three protective devices listed above, but now we can very quickly realise what is happening, name it, see the bigger picture, in other words read the situation for what it is, and let go of our attachments to being right or defensive. Now I know if I start to blame him I am way out, and it is usually because I am being arrogant and rigid that an issue has arisen. It all begins with taking responsibility for our choices and the way we express or behave. In every moment it is possible to choose between two ways, love or not love, and love is respectful, understanding, and open to outcome.

Gayle

10/4/2017 05:19:38 pm

Sometimes our relationships are a temporary connection, but that doesn't mean they need to be anything less than full and sincere. I volunteered to help with a flood clean up this past week as the area I live in has recently been devastated by extreme flooding. I and some friends were assigned to go help a 68 year old man, living on his own whose whole house had been submerged. All his furniture, crockery and food had floated out the doors and windows. He had nothing left but a wet wooden house covered in mud. We spent several hours washing mud off of walls, floors, cans of food, anything we could see that could be salvaged. We all wore name tags and "John" called us all by name every time he spoke with us. We laughed and sang and cleaned like crazy. When it was time for me to go, John gave me one of the most sincere and deeply caring hugs I have received in a long, long time. He felt like a brother, a friend for life and perhaps beyond. I've never seen him before and maybe never see him again, but we had a 'real' relationship that will live on in both our hearts.

Susan Wilson

1/5/2017 02:30:46 pm

Gayle, what a beautiful experience to share and assist with cleaning up so why do we have to wait for a catastrophe to be sharing ourselves because every person we come into contact with there is a relationship. Do we accept this and do we value what we each bring to each other? Could we, by just being our loving selves, emit the love that we are to every person we meet? This is the way we change the world, one step at a time, one person at a time and one relationship at a time.

Joan Calder

25/5/2017 03:47:51 pm

Yes Gayle and Susan, those brief meetings can be in deeper connection and true relationship than with many of our friends and families, especially when there is a purpose to it, but not always so. A chance encounter like a meeting n a train can produce unexpected depth and understanding. these meetings are "out of time".and away from the familiar? Very often we have built up so many protections and habits of reaction with those around us every day, and also have attachments and needs. To reach that depth of intimacy with a stranger maybe we come with fewer agendas so allow ourselves to be more vulnerable, for it is only when we let go of the protections and allow ourselves to be just who we truly are that we can make that quality of connection.

Joan Calder

8/8/2017 01:17:49 am

My partner and I continue to be committed to exploring and deepening our relationship together. we know that the more we feel fulfilled in ourselves the more we will bring all the love we are to the relationship, not seeking or needing to fill up the empty holes in ourselves, and then many of the old reactions and patterns disappear. Recently we explored what intimacy means for us,and I was able to be totally honest and admit that I am scared of intimacy. But once I had spoken this I let go of another layer of protection. Eventually I was able to understand that I was scared of having an intimate relationship with myself, of accepting all that I am -- all parts of me. If we don't recognise that developing a true and honest relationship with ourselves we will never be able to open out to another., we will be held back from a fully loving relationship. The quality of our expression and communication with each other since this shift has been remarkable. There is always further to go, it is not becoming complacent; we can become static and stuck in new habits, we have to keep moving, which makes life continually alive and interesting and worthwhile, especially in our older age.

Deidre Medbury

19/8/2017 06:37:55 am

That's it Joan, first and foremost we have to develop a true and honest relationship with ourself before we can let down our guard and be open to letting another /others really see us. These opportunities present themselves often and if only short term are just as important as the long term relationships we have, for it is not the length of the relationship but the quality and genuine respect we honour in another that truly connects us.

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MAKING THE MOST OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS

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