Is Friendship important in our Elder Years?

31/7/2018

Yes, friendship is very important for older people! We are seeing that because of physical changes, retirement and loss of loved ones, the ability to develop true friendships is becoming more difficult in our elder years. In many cases, friends are as important as families. We are observing that many people are turning to their friends first when they encounter crisis because of the distance of their family.

It is being proven that people who have one or more good friends are in better health than those who have only casual acquaintances or no friends. There are many studies showing the positive benefits of friendship on social, emotional and physical well-being. Having a strong circle of friends can be a good boost for ageing hearts and can help the body’s autoimmune system resist disease.

Casual friendships can help, but one very close friend can do so much to help relieve stress and depression as a close friendship provides emotional support as friends are relied on to give comfort, help and to share and inform each other of things that are happening in their lives.

In addition to emotional support, friendship can help enrich a person’s physical, mental and social health and help us adjust to changes through the rewarding and challenging times of life.

In our conversation comments this month we would love to hear from you about your experience with a friendship or friendships – are they important and do you have a story to tell?

14 Comments

ANNE MCRITCHIE

31/7/2018 07:59:49 am

Friendships are not only important to us but they are vital for our health and wellbeing. It is only through relationship with another that we develop and grow, and learn what it is to be a functional human being in the world. Relationships also support us to connect to and appreciate the non physical part of us - the 'being' as opposed to the 'human'. Through friendships we understand love, intimacy, appreciation; we understand that we are so much more than a physical body, that we have an inner essence that we can connect to when ever we choose. Friendships are our true wealth.

Sandra Newland

1/8/2018 06:31:07 am

When I was at school I had many friends but not all were true friendships where you felt they were with you through thick and thin, Sometimes i would discover that a 'friend' would gossip about me behind my back, often because they were jealous and were trying to bring me down.I realised that if I took it personally and reacted by judging them or cutting off from them I would not be a true friend for them so I looked deeper to understand why they needed to do this behaviour. I found then that many friends started to come to me when they needed support for they knew I would not gossip about them and that I was there for them and would honour them and the process they were going through without giving them any sympathy. A true friendship has no expectations of another but simply offers a reflection of who they are without sympathy or any judgement of their behaviour. This allows them space to see for themselves whether their behaviour is an expression of who they are or not and they have the choice to come back to themselves or not without any pressure being placed on them to be a certain way which is often why we rebel in the first place.

Anne Hart

8/8/2018 07:07:34 am

Well said Anne. I too find that I learn so much through my friendships. They sustain my inner self beyond measure and are far more important than achievements past or present. I recently read an article based on research with people 90+ that backed up this finding - not one of those interviewed regretted things they had not done; they regretted that they had not spent more time on nurturing and developing friendships along the way.

Gayle

1/8/2018 12:10:54 am

The thing about friendships, that I've discovered in my elder years, is that they are like gardening. They need attending to. With a little Tender Loving Care they flourish. And if you neglect them, don't put any energy into them, they tend to wilt and not look near as colourful. I find this to be just as true of friendships that I've had for 1 year or 10 years or 50 years. Everything that we hold dear in our lives needs to feel the warmth of our light shining from within us, radiating out caressing them.

Sandra Newland

10/8/2018 07:17:11 am

Gayle, I enjoy this analogy to gardening. We do indeed need to consistently care for our relationships by nurturing them with appreciation, confirmation and tender loving care, and weeding any stagnant areas. We then see people as fresh and new every day allowing them the space to be themselves which keeps our relationships alive and flourishing.

Annie Mack

3/8/2018 01:32:29 pm

I remember an older brother saying to me that if you can count the number of real true friends on one hand, you are indeed a fortunate person.

I was quite young at the time and even then, being the loner that I was I remember feeling wow, I would love to have that many people in my life who really cared about me.

Now here I am much older and wiser and have found that the gift of true friendship is there waiting for us all. However I had to learn to step out of my own self imposed isolation to find this out.

Deidre Medbury

8/8/2018 07:04:50 am

True friendships are gold. When we are open and willing to show our vulnerabilities and honour theirs, the relationship can be built on trust and the relationship can truly flourish. Love them dearly and appreciate their personal and unique qualities and they last no matter the distance or the amount of time between seeing each other. One of the hardest things I have had to learn is if an issue does arise to not hold back in expressing how I feel and not react but listen openly to their response for it might be something I have misunderstood or something they are reflecting back to me that I may need to look at within myself. And being able to talk openly about it can deepen the friendship even more.

Sandra Newland

10/8/2018 07:32:22 am

Deidre, being 'willing to show our vulnerabilities and honour theirs' is key to establishing depth in relationship. This honesty breaks down barriers and opens our hearts to each other.

Sandra Newland

10/8/2018 07:29:21 am

Lonely people often think they are being excluded but in many cases they are lonely because of 'self-imposed isolation' as you say Annie. This may be due to arrogance or to lack of self-worth but if we open our hearts, people are drawn to be with us and we can establish many a friendship by saying Yes to including ourselves as equals.

Carmel Reid link

8/8/2018 06:33:36 pm

I moved countries at the age of 67 and friendships have been an important part of my support network, both in person and via social media around the world.

Elizabeth Douglas

23/8/2018 10:54:52 am

Every friendship I have I fall in Love.It could be for a moment a day a week it does not matter there is a deep connection that can never be erased.
Friendships are relationships and each and everyone is meant to be.
As we grow older and wiser as they say we are not wanting the pretense the fuss or the thrills. We did that know that and it is all rubbish.we know a genuine friendships because we respect the connection , simple honesty and truth comes ringing true, the sharing, laughter and joy is abound.We lift each other up when one is down we appreciate our moments together and the parting as well.
At 71, I never could have dreamed I would have so many gorgeous men and women in my life from across the globe that I value as precious friendships.
When one opens their heart love comes pouring in until your's over flows and touches everything in it's path. Tomorrow I will meet a new friend and we will begin our journey together.

Bernadette Curtin

25/8/2018 10:22:25 am

As I grow older friendships become more precious and I value them immensely. My husband has recently undergone heart surgery, and the messages and practical support and experiences shared from family and friends has been amazing to feel and appreciate. We need never feel alone if we value our relationships with others.

Susan Wilson

1/9/2018 08:06:01 am

I see friendships symbolically as birds in the sky, sometimes they are visible and in touch and other times they are not visible but still in touch. What does this mean? For me it means that I can consider everyone as a friend because if I am open to my purpose to serve humanity then potentially anyone can be my friend and already is my friend i.e. those I have not yet met physically and those I have met. The essence of this is - it is not for me to know who to categorize as a friend but to let multi-dimensionality provide the contacts (friends) that are warranted at any moment. Hence the beauty of the Magic of God moments provided for us to give us momentary friends, occasional friends, longtime friends and friends who no longer need to be friends. Birds of a feather flock together - when dancing to the song of the universe.

Ingrid Langenbruch link

8/2/2019 06:51:09 am

With age I found it less easy to make friends, especially when I moved to another area where I did not know many people. But I felt it was very important to make friends and had to reach out and connect with people.And it is most wonderful to have now a network of good friends supporting and helping each other out whenever needed. And to share and learn together especially when you are single.

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Is Friendship important in our Elder Years?

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