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Connection and Loneliness

2/8/2020

7 Comments

 
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Our July/August topic for conversation is Connection & Loneliness. Connection to ourselves or others has many different meanings or understandings for each of us and loneliness can be a really debilitating and heart-breaking phase of life, particularly in our elder years.   We are exploring what effect connection may have on loneliness, the possible link between them and the ways in which we might address this sense of ‘feeling alone’. 
​We would love to hear from you about what connection is for you – is it something you are aware of and actively practise, and if you’ve experienced loneliness, how did you overcome it?    

We know that loneliness has tended to be a significant factor of growing older for many elders and can be the result of situations such as one’s own ill health or that of a partner, or impaired mobility. It can also be a period where the network of family and friends has diminished due to having to manage their own ageing issues. All of which can result in a sense that our world or lifestyle sphere has become smaller, less safe and out of touch with the world outside our door.
 
In her article, Loneliness as We Age, Lynne talks about her mother’s loneliness during the early stages of dementia and how a sense of purpose gave her mother a reprieve, ‘Spending time with this gorgeous old woman, who was always pleased to see her, gave Mum a purpose for her day so she felt better and the depression and loneliness lifted a lot. Within roughly eight weeks, the old lady had died and Mum drifted back into her sadness again and her depression and loneliness came back and she’s not ventured into reaching out to others in that way again.
7 Comments
Bernadette Curtin
7/7/2020 11:17:01 am

Earlier in my life I could feel lonely in a crowded room, it was a feeling of being disconnected from myself and others, and it was very debilitating. What I have discovered is that when I connect to my inner heart and I am more loving and honouring with myself, there is more love to share with others. My relationships evolve and grow as I do. Sometimes we have to make the first move to find a way to connect with others, and technology has been a vital tool at this time to stay connected with family and friends and work.

Reply
Lynne Paull-McLeod
8/7/2020 05:19:19 pm

Bernadette, I know what you mean when you say you've felt lonely in a crowd. I have also experienced that feeling and it used to be excruciating for me. I'd sometimes feel like I was either not good enough to join in with others or at other times I'd feel like I was so insignificant that nobody could see me or register that I was in the room. I'd be fine with some people, while with others I'd feel very uncomfortable.
Over the years I began to realise that I had to be truly comfortable in my own skin first, that to try to connect with others before I'd developed a relationship with myself was fraught with pitfalls. Until I nurtured an inner acceptance of who I am and not need others to approve of me I'd often feel that I didn't measure up so kept myself isolated. So even though there'd be plenty of people around for me to engage with I could often be withdrawn and shutdown. This feeling can still grab me today though nothing like it used to and I'm onto it pretty quickly. If it does come up I know how to re-connect back to me and the feeling of worthlessness is gone.

Reply
Rosemary Liebe
13/7/2020 10:01:09 am

I can only agree with you both Bernadette and Lynne, I also have experienced aloneness surrounded by people. As a child growing up in a family of seven I often felt alone and during my marriage and bringing up my children there were times when I felt deep loneliness and aloneness. For me I feel there has always been a difference though between loneliness and aloneness, as loneliness always felt like something outside myself that could be assuaged by doing something, either catching up with a friend or distracting myself from the feeling by shopping or taking myself to the movies but aloneness always felt deeper and within, it always felt excruciatingly painful, and when in the throes of it the "go to the movies or find a friend" did little to ease the tension, even to the extent of just having to be with it and feel it, as I felt so disconnected to everyone I knew no one or nothing could help diminish this absolute feeling of aloneness. It was not till I was in my 50's and started to develop a relationship with myself that I became aware that that was what I was missing more than anything else in my life, and as I developed a way of connecting within I found a space of warmth and love that I began to feel was myself. As that grew the feeling of aloneness slowly started to diminish to the point I rarely feel alone, and as a consequence rarely feel loneliness. On the occasions that I begin to feel either I now know these feelings have entered as a consequence of the choice I have made to disconnect from myself and so it is totally up to me to choose to re-connect within, where those feelings don't exist.

Reply
Lynne Paull-McLeod
21/7/2020 07:17:04 am

That's wonderful awareness Rosemary, to know that the antidote to those feelings of aloneness, or loneliness is connection to a deeper part of ourselves is very liberating. It has meant that I no longer feel a victim to whatever thoughts or feelings that have plagued me in the past, I know that if I do start to feel lonely or depressed, it's because I've stopped 'holding' and appreciating myself and that it was never about what another was doing or thought of me but the level of self-love I have developed with and for myself.

Reply
Sandra Newland
24/7/2020 07:26:57 am

I agree, Rosemary, loneliness and aloneness are different. I often enjoy the space of being alone and it has a feeling of aliveness and fullness where I am connected to myself and the expansiveness of the universe. In this place I do not feel at all disconnected from others. On the other hand, the feeling of loneliness, is a feeling of emptiness because we are disconnected from ourselves.which often makes us look outside ourselves for something to fill that void. However, whatever we do as a result is only a temporary distraction and this void is a hole that can never be filled no matter what extremes we may go to. So connection with ourselves is certainly the key to avoiding loneliness.

Reply
ruth anderssen
24/7/2020 08:49:05 am

This is a great topic of conversation as it is bringing a focus to loneliness that is experienced by many at various stages in our lives. I am feeling that at the heart of all loneliness is disconnection; and the true cure is our re-connection to our Soul. No amount of external support can substitute for this, and there is nothing in this world greater than feeling at one with the Oneness we are and come from. In Oneness, we are never alone.

Reply
Rosemary Liebe
24/7/2020 01:47:32 pm

How beautifully you have brought all our comments together Ruth with your comment and the absolute truth, that in Oneness we are never alone.

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