ADAPTING TO CHANGE

28/2/2020

Back in September last year our Topic of Conversation was focused on Accepting Impermanence is the Nature of Human Existence which certainly provoked a lot of comments from our readers. This month we are extending this topic to focus on Adapting to Change in our Lives. If we accept change, then do we automatically adapt to the change?

Accepting or Adapting . . . do these two words conjure up a different meaning for many of us? Do they necessarily follow on one after the other?

If we understood that everything in our existence is transitory, then we would be able to accept that changes to the way we live and our relationships with family and friends will not remain fixed. Accepting life’s changes is one thing, but is adapting to the change sometimes put in the ‘too-hard’ basket?

What do we mean by being adaptable? Is it just allowing flexibility and a willingness to try a different way, responding with a different attitude, or to solve a problem without any angst or anxiousness? Perhaps you would like to share with us how you have adapted to the changes in your life.

In her article, Flexibility and Adaptability to Change, Bernadette expressed:

Change ushers in the new, it feels like an expansion and a step into the unknown. To be in the flow of life with the changes enables more steadiness and appreciation for whatever each new day brings.

Our topic of conversation for this month is an opportunity for our readers to comment on how they have adapted to changes in their lives. We invite you to share your experiences of how adaptability has shaped the way you live, and how you have accepted and responded to changing circumstances in your life.

26 Comments

Sandra Newland

28/2/2020 07:35:27 am

At 74yrs old, I have just begun a new job doing something I never ever dreamt of doing. The job was offered to me and I said Yes, without considering the enormous learning curve I was facing. The challenge has been to learn to settle in a situation where I know nothing, It has been an amazing learning for me to see that I am worthy even though I do not know what I am doing. I see now that all I need to do is to to bring all of me to the job without allowing doubt to creep in and the detail of the job can be learnt in time. People understand I am new to a job and are very willing to support so long as I don't make myself less which then undermines confidence.
Could it be that this fear of being in a not-knowing situation holds many of us back from taking a new step or beginning a new venture?

Lynne Paull-McLeod

3/3/2020 10:05:29 am

Sandra I love what you have shared here. For most of my life, (I'm now 66) I was caught in the trap of believing that what I 'do' is who I 'am'. (It was incredibly liberating when I started to see that this belief that so many of us have aligned to, isn't real - it's just not true).
I would go to work seeking recognition from superiors/managers/supervisors and though unaware of it at the time, it was providing me with a false sense of safety and self-worth. This insecurity meant I never really felt great, there was always an underlying uncertainty as a result of making myself less and small to stay under the radar. Needing to get projects finished 'on time' would cause an enormous anxiety for me should I be seen as inefficient or hopeless etc. One day, and not so long ago while sitting at my desk, I stopped!! I sat quietly with myself and allowed myself to feel this anxiousness running in my body. I instantly sensed that I was terrified of 'getting into trouble', and once I truly allowed myself to feel it I realised that it was a belief I'd carried with me since childhood, never questioning it's validity for me as an adult. Realising that I am perfectly capable of supporting myself, backing myself if needed, I can instead appreciate who I am and what I bring to the workplace and be gently loving with myself. I was then able to let go of the need for approval from outside of myself. This deeper understanding paved the way for a more confident and mature me to be at work, more settled within myself and able to be more present with myself and others. Not having that constant low-grade anxiousness running inside me has meant that I can enjoy being at work knowing that I can hold myself in this way. I'm no longer worried about the jobs I've completed and how they'll be received or what I might be asked to do in the future. I can be with me and enjoy whatever or whomever I happen to be with in the moment. In answer to your pondering "Could it be that this fear of being in a not-knowing situation holds many of us back.......", my own experience has taught me that this is definitely the case.

Gayle

4/3/2020 03:54:58 pm

Hello Lynne - I can relate to what you've shared. I often wonder if this new found 'grace' is because of all the years I've invested in personal development OR if I would have still arrived at this place just by the grace of ageing and coming to settle within myself, accepting myself as 'enough'. I guess I will never know for sure how I got here or if there was more than one way to get here. But what I do know is that I love being here, where I do accept that I am enough without having to prove to the boss or anyone else that I'm a valuable team playher, and YES, it required a lot of change along the way. Im really pleased that I was able to make those changes.

Gayle

28/2/2020 10:45:48 am

The 'current' older generation have lived through years of great change. Even if we just consider technology. I remember not having a phone in the family home. And now I walk around with an electronic devise in my pocket which is not only a phone but one in which I can see the other person in real time in action, where ever in the world they are. Remember even after phones became a common household item, someone suggested that one day we would be able to see the other person on the end of the telephone line. And we scoffed! So the 'current' older generation may be more adaptable to change than previous ones, don't you think?

Lynne Paull-McLeod

3/3/2020 11:08:53 am

Gayle I often think of my grandparents and the enormous change that they experienced during the course of their lives. I saw more of my dad's parents because they lived close by so learned a lot about them. Their first home had no flooring, just dirt, and they had a big fireplace in the middle of the room for warmth and to cook on. There were two doors, one on either side of the room which allowed the horse to be lead in one door and out the other to drag the logs of wood in for the fire. They saw cars and machinery taking over right through to the Concord aircraft and man landing on the moon. They never owned a car and never travelled by aircraft. In their early years they had a horse and sulky however as I knew them, they walked everywhere. We bought them an electric stove to replace the fuel stove so they wouldn't have to chop wood as they grew older, or have the heat in the kitchen during summer, but the electric stove sat in their garage for years before they relented to family pressure to have it installed. They were never totally sold on it though and felt it didn't cook as well as the the old fuel stove. We bought them a TV because my grandfather loved cricket so we thought he'd love to watch it rather than listen to it on the radio. He refused to go anywhere near the TV for a year or more however my grandmother was open to it and would watch the cricket and the news. (I remember her horror at the advertisements for women's sanitary pads & tampons.) Eventually, while watching the cricket she would noticed my grandfather sitting quietly at the back of the room with the broad-sheet newspaper held up in front of him. If she turned fast enough she'd catch him peeking over the top of the paper to watch the cricket - this caper continued for ages ha ha.
They never drank alcohol or smoked cigarettes and were quietly Christian folk who didn't try to save us from ourselves by imposing their beliefs. They never asked for it but no-one ever drank or smoked in their home. They experienced divorce becoming common practice, and people living openly together and not marrying. I never really appreciated how they just seemed to roll with it all without resisting it. They had their way of living but never told us we had to be different. I was not made to feel bad when I had my first experience of living with my boyfriend. Their home was my safe harbour, full of warmth and love. So there were some ways of living that they held onto and there were many practical changes they didn't want to adopt however in other ways they seemed to cope quite readily with change, but were they the 'norm' in terms of that era? I'm unsure.

Susan Lee link

8/3/2020 01:53:49 am

Learning to accept has been a huge turn around as I have aged. when I was younger I was very resistant to change and then life changes anyway and if we adapt and learn to understand that this is an opportunity for us to embrace more of life then there is a joy to be found in each change. I cannot imagine living life any other way and it is certainly the most glorious way to live as there is always something new to learn and expand our understanding of ourselves and of everyone else. Life somehow becomes simpler when we let go and let life take it's course and go with the flow and the grace that comes with ageing.

Deryk

9/3/2020 08:51:11 am

I have an odd feeling of living my life in reverse! Most of my adult life I was plagued with health issues which have been resolving to a remarkable degree in recent years. As a result, I now feel much 'younger', fitter, stronger than I have in 40 years (I'm now 62).
This change came from the inside out, as I learned to accept, to let go of ideals and beliefs that made me see myself in a certain way that wasn't true, and to be open to what my body - and not my head - was telling me was true for me.

That acceptance has flowed into accepting changes in me and in the world around me. A great lesson has been how much less stressful life is when I'm not feeling the need to be the 'sheriff' sitting in judgement of everything and everyone.

Bernadette Curtin link

12/3/2020 03:17:53 am

“Not needing to be in judgement” – the ‘sheriff’ does come from the inside out Derek doesn’t it? Maybe acceptance comes with age as we observe life and often are forced to face changes to our bodies and our capabilities, our careers and our beliefs. I am becoming more aware of how accepting and adapting to change is an amazing opportunity to feel my power. As you have explained it is an inward movement, a willingness to observe and feel more deeply about life and how we are in it, and how we are with ourselves.

Gayle

9/3/2020 09:46:39 pm

I agree Susan. There is a joy to be found in changes. 'Trying' to keep things the same takes a lot of energy - because we are resisting the inevitable. Once we accept that change is going to happen, then we can more easily adapt to that change. First accept the change, then adapt to the change. It doesn't take long before we start to enjoy the change.

Bernadette Curtin

12/3/2020 03:35:00 am

Susan and Gayle I loved that you wrote about the joy to be found in change. I feel that there is so much to learn about ourselves and life. Acceptance seems to be a surrender to what is happening without needing it to be any different, or trying to control it, and adaptability is an active quality that keeps us flexible and open. Adaptability requires action of some kind, for example when moving from one home to another, decluttering creates space, and preparing your present home for new owners can be a beautiful purpose to hold. Also caring for our bodies as we feel and accept more aches and pains means that we are adapting to our increased sensitivity, and this too holds a quality of purpose. I am discovering the joy to be found in purpose.

Ruth Anderssen

25/4/2020 12:09:03 pm

Susan, I do have to agree with you that when we accept, and in turn, adapt and importantly 'embrace' the changes life brings to us, that is a most glorious way to live. Like you, I love to know that there is always something new to learn about and to expand our understanding of ourselves and of everyone else - particularly in our elder years otherwise it would be a long slow downward slide - give me a merry-go-round ride any day!

Bernadette Curtin

12/3/2020 03:59:11 am

Acceptance is allowing. Adaptability is a response.

Gayle

24/3/2020 06:21:55 am

I ♥️ how you have spelled out the defining movements of both Acceptance and Adaptability. This makes it really clear about whether we are accepting or adapting. Thank you Bernadette.

Lynne Paull-McLeod

24/3/2020 07:14:39 am

Yes I'd never really thought about it but there is a very subtle difference (and probably not so subtle). Thanks Bernadette, when I feel into both situations I get the sense that when I accept something/someone/myself I'm allowing it to be as it is. However when I adapt it's a different movement, I'm shifting my understanding to another viewpoint.

ruth anderssen

24/4/2020 05:08:16 pm

Bernie, I love your description of what it means to bring acceptance and then adaptability to the many changes we experience in our lifetime. However, I would like to add a third quality and that is Embrace. Yes, we can accept, adapt but do we truly embrace the changes that can affect our lives? I'm feeling that the embracing factor is the one that gives us settlement in our bodies and in our lives.

Rosemary Liebe

20/3/2020 10:03:43 am

"Trying to keep things the same takes a lot of energy" - I agree Gayle and not only does it take energy keeping things the same it can also be very limiting to everyone in our sphere of contact, regardless of whether those people be physically in our life or connected energetically as in people living some distance away or even in another country, but connected through family ties or through love and friendship. I have been around long enough to have observed that when I have turned away from change, situations and relationships have stayed stuck, not allowing for any growth or understanding but when I have chosen to be open to change, becoming adaptable and trusting, a space opens that is full of opportunities. If I embrace what is so lovingly presented, invariably I have found that people and situations connected to me change also, as if by magic. This I have experienced many times over the last ten years or so as I have settled more into myself experiencing a deeper trust in change and becoming more adaptable. Regardless of whether we dig our heels in and refuse to change or we openly embrace change we are affecting everyone around us and I can only say that when I have come to a true understanding, or changed a perspective on a particular circumstance, it has blown me away the ripple effect that my changing has had on the situations and the people involved, filling me with awe and absolute appreciation of what is continually offered to us, and through us to all who are connected to us as we embrace change.

Bernadette Curtin link

24/3/2020 04:53:02 pm

The ‘ripple effect ‘ that you have explained so beautifully Rosemary, is something that we don’t always appreciate. As you have expressed, whatever reaction or response we have to change affects everyone. We are having an enormous opportunity right now with all the hourly changes, rules and restrictions due to the Corona virus, to be very adaptable. We can support others when we remain steady and focused on what really matters.

ruth anderssen

24/4/2020 05:15:01 pm

I have to agree with you Bernadette and Rosemary, the ripple effect of how we accept, adapt to and embrace changes in our lives can, and does, deeply affect others -- whether it be a positive or negative effect will depend on how the change is dealt with both by the person making the changes and by others who are in turn recipients of the changes. I feel to repeat part of your comment here as it is so powerful in its expression: When I have turned away from change, situations and relationships have stayed stuck, not allowing for any growth or understanding but when I have chosen to be open to change, becoming adaptable and trusting, a space opens that is full of opportunities. If I embrace what is so lovingly presented, invariably I have found that people and situations connected to me change also, as if by magic. Thank you for these words of wisdom.

Ingrid Langenbruch link

27/3/2020 07:17:22 am

Being able to accept and then adapt to changes can be vital to your health. Many people travelling overseas had to deal with enormous changes to their planned home journey because of Covid-19.
I had my flight home cancelled just a couple of days of flying back without any contact number or alternative. It took hours on the computer trying to get on another flight without success. Things were changing so fast and more flights being cancelled all the time, airports and borders closing soon. It is easy to be overwhelmed by such a situation but in any situation really that brings great changes with it. If we practice and learn to accept and adapt to the 'smaller' changes (which may feel big at the time) we are much better equipped to deal with major changes. Stress and fear can have a harming effect on our body.

Julie Chung

1/4/2020 02:29:57 pm

This subject and everyone's beautiful comments got me to really feel into change for myself and so here is what I came to:

Change happens in every moment, as I will move, think, talk differently in each moment, and I have had infinite moments in my life where this is happening. But what I didn't realise or have a grasp of, is that huge things can happen in one single moment. Our whole lives can change in one moment and they regularly do.
I can look at change as being something that happens more in blocks of time, or over a period of time and focus on that, which then doesn't allow me to feel that actually, in every moment something is changing, and is a normal part of our evolution through life.
From when we are born, our body is slowly regenerating and degenerating towards our imminent older years and that is an inevitable fact. Maybe, if we held that understanding, we would definitely look after ourselves and our Divine bodies and cherish them much more deeply.
I know for myself, recently turning 63, I would love to have cared for and loved my body from when I was much younger the way I do now, and known within that self-care, that everything I need to get me through is via my own body.
Therefore with any change, even though it may be tricky at times to navigate, I know I have my own back and the support of others to move through and with that change and never do I need to do it alone. This is an important point to remember I feel, because as we age we can tend to withdraw from life. I can go into a kind of stunned state when change happens, which just takes me away from feeling my body and realising that actually, I'm okay in this moment. And in that, being free to move through the next thing that presents itself, as a moment of change may feel greater than another moment, and bigger than I am.
I realise it isn't bigger, it’s just asking more of me, and helping to pull out parts of me that I have held back from expressing or showing?
If I look back on my life, and my relationship with change, I feel that was definitely the case.
So getting older isn't asking me to withdraw from life and take it easy, it's asking me to explore life and everything about it. Stay interested, stay active and healthy and never stop bringing whatever is needed in any moment.

Bernadette Curtin

7/4/2020 04:31:07 pm

Julie one particular observation that you made really struck home to me: How change asks more of us. I can really feel this at this time of tension and restrictions and huge anxiety for many people who have lost jobs and incomes. As you expressed ‘never stop bringing whatever is needed in any moment’. By bringing all of our wisdom and life experience, whatever our age, we can offer a great reflection to others to support them through difficult times.

Ruth Anderssen

25/4/2020 01:28:17 pm

Bernie, it is no coincidence that Julie's observation ‘change asks more of us' really resonated with me when I read the comment she posted. I feel as we travel into our elder years, we do have a choice to either accept, adapt and embrace all the many 'little' moments of change or we can blindly ignore them, which of course is the same as remaining stuck in our own patch of dullness.
Changes can and do offer us to have a more committed purpose to living our lives to the full until our last breath!

Roberta Himing

21/4/2020 04:45:11 pm

Hi Julie, I am drawn to the last couple of paragraphs of your comment, where you offer ".....as we age we can tend to withdraw from life." There seems to me there could be a couple of ways of feeling these words. Today as I walked through a local small park I noticed one of the millions of blue winged butterflies that are filling our skies presently sitting on the grass at my feet, wings only half opened. Its' beauty struck me, the delicateness but the power and true strength, and the design divinely orchestrated, but there was no dew left on the grass at this stage of the morning and its' family of many were flying by overhead. I bent slowly as to not frighten it, placing my finger gently in front of its' long and angular legs to encourage it to sit on my finger as I wanted to be able to know it more intimately you could say - however, as I placed my finger on the grass in front of it, it 'withdrew' - took a half step/movement back, and I felt it say "let me be - my life is spent". So it was not 'holding back' or 'withdrawing from change or exploring life' - it was honouring its' life in stillness - (which I inadvertently felt it my right to interfere with in that moment) - expecting something more/something else - and not reading in the moment that it had already lived its' life to its' last breath - doing what butterflies do. One may wonder what has this to do with this months topic of conversing on adaptability, acceptance and change. At a couple of weeks from 79 cycles around the sun, I must admit I am starting to feel a little like that butterfly - clearing, culling and experiencing in so many ways preparation for further adaptability, acceptance and change in the body, not necessarily withdrawing per se - but at times feeling the glory of stillness, settlement and harmony interspersed with everything else one can imagine that can be thrown at one. So as the body releases much that has been gathered over millennia I am still learning about acceptance - and adaptability - and change. I loved your comment. Thank you.

Ruth Anderssen

15/4/2020 11:13:37 am

Julie, I found your expression: ‘So getting older isn't asking me to withdraw from life and take it easy, it's asking me to explore life and everything about it’ a very apt message for us elders. How often do we relate the word 'exploring' to being young, adventurous and, at times, even being fearless? Maybe this is what young people look for to bring excitement into their lives, however, I do believe that the elder generation also has the ability to be explorers. Not perhaps in the way we did when we were young but certainly we can explore with curiosity, with lightness of being and with much anticipation of what we might find when we start on our different journeys of exploration. I know I started to explore life more deeply after I turned 60 and my journey hasn’t finished yet. . . there is still so much more to explore and find out about who I am under all the facades that I have covered that being up with. So no withdrawing from life, just get on with exploring what it has to offer you.

Rosemary Liebe

13/5/2020 06:24:42 pm

"I can look at change as being something that happens more in blocks of time, or over a period of time and focus on that, which then doesn't allow me to feel that actually, in every moment something is changing, and is a normal part of our evolution through life." I loved this sentence from your comment Julie as I know I have and I feel many people do see change as happening in blocks and over time. This view point can actually make changing and adapting feel as though it is a huge undertaking and at times difficult but when you become aware that in every moment, with every choice and every movement you are already creating the steps to the larger change you want to bring about then it becomes doable and creates a space where you can envision the change happening and bring a lightness and joy to the journey. With this understanding I no longer see change or adapting as a challenge, or dig my heels in but welcome it as part of getting to know myself on a deeper level.

Rosemary Liebe

2/9/2020 05:24:32 am

Often we can feel that we have changed in a particular area and that's "done" but if there's one thing that I am becoming more aware of is that change is a constant, and if we want to continue to grow and evolve through our elder years then we cannot sit on our laurels thinking we have sorted things because invariably an incident or situation will come along to shake you up and give you the opportunity to go deeper.

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.

ADAPTING TO CHANGE

Leave a Reply.

HOME

ABOUT

THE BOOK