When I heard people speak of their purpose in life, I often wondered – ‘What was that for me?’ Beyond the many roles I played I always felt that there had to be more.
As a child I went to school to learn facts and figures, how to interact with others, become a team player – ‘Do your best’ was a strong influence in my family.
Then those ‘responsible members of society’ left home and there was time to reflect – What was it all about? It certainly wasn’t about finding religion. I had rejected those corrupt institutions in my teens. Neither was it about settling down to a comfortable secure life with my partner, much as I cared for him. There had to be something more.
I joined committees, helped out with local group activities, became exhausted by the treadmill of it all and buried myself in work. I loved my job, but it was merely an escape from that constant question – ‘What’s it all about?’ There had to be more to life than this. I began to explore other avenues, alternative ways to change my life and give it more meaning. I wasn’t dissatisfied, but I knew I wasn’t living the fullness that I could be.
One day a friend asked me to come with her to a talk presented by Serge Benhayon. And everything dropped into place. Now I knew why I was asking the question. Now I knew why life had this disconnection. As I began to understand and feel more of this disconnection I gradually began to have more connection to myself, my body and my life. I could see that many of those around me clearly had purpose, but what was mine? When self-isolating because of Covid-19 I began to feel that simply being myself, walking in connection and awareness with my body, was purpose. And not only walking; talking, eating, thinking, working – every single movement, was part of that purpose.
I reminded myself daily that this purpose was a service to the world, that reflecting my connection affected everyone, not only those close to me. Sometimes I felt it too, or I thought I did… until my brother became very ill. I went to visit him and on my return that evening, I wasn’t distressed, but knew I couldn’t go to bed until ‘something’ had settled. Eventually I had a few hours sleep and woke early as usual the next morning.
Something beautiful, amazing, yet utterly normal happened. I had heard Serge Benhayon say that love is a holding. I felt the truth of it, but in all honesty, while I have felt held, I had never experienced holding, till now. I was holding my brother, but not on my own – The Masters of Heaven were with me. And not only for my brother. This was for everyone.
In my head were the words of a song: ‘Hold you, hold you, hold you in my heart’. The whole day was full of this magic as I went about my daily tasks, meeting people, working, shopping. One part of my being was holding something infinite. My brother may have been the focus, the catalyst for this, but it was not only him.
At 1am, 5 weeks after my brother had been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, I woke, and was considering playing The Chalice by Chris James. At 1.15am my phone cheeped a message, which normally I ignore as it is usually spam. But I felt to look. It was from my niece. My brother had been admitted to a hospice near where he lived, 50 miles away from me. As I held my brother in my heart, I began to play The Chalice on repeat for him, knowing that if I could feel the vibration of this music, so could he, telling him it was OK for him to go now. After a few repeats of The Chalice I felt to change to a song called Ever Expanding Love. Within minutes my niece rang me from his bedside. My brother had passed over.
I cannot analyse the how and why of this, nor do I want or need to, but I do know that my life will never be quite the same again. It moves me to tears to know that at 76, I finally feel my purpose: To hold humanity in love and express that in everything I do, say, think.
I have searched for this for so many years, and I am fully aware that there will be times when I drop from the level given to me on that beautiful day when everything was grace, but I know how to get back, because God holds me. As he holds us all.
This is written in deep, deep appreciation of the inspirational teachings of Serge Benhayon, and how those teachings have brought through the beautiful music and expression of Chris James.
Catherine B., UK
If you enjoyed this article you may also like to read:
And now I'm 70!