For most of my life joy was a mystery to me for it was an unknown. My mother had the inclination to dominate and life was made rather difficult. On reflection some parts of my life were a little like the story of Cinderella. If fun was expressed or a joyous time had been had, out would come the vacuum cleaner, dusters and furniture polish and I was made to clean or cook a Sunday roast whilst mum visited the neighbours for drinks.
After being married for many years I began asking myself questions and discovered it was ‘out of the frying pan and into the fire’ as the saying goes, when it came to my marriage. With this realisation, my healing journey commenced. The first question put to my practitioner was “Where’s the joy? I’m not feeling it!” There was never an answer to my query, maybe it was thought to be a joke for how could someone not know the feeling of joy!
Still today a part of the old persona remains. This woman is definitely a work in progress. The persona was developed as a form of protection, but did it protect? The answer is NO. It wrung dry any form of fun or laughter in life that came my way, therefore no lightness of being was ever expressed.
Not so long ago in a meeting the question was asked, ‘What does joy mean for you?’ My answer was not a flow of articulated understanding, no true clarity. This led me into much pondering and observation of myself and when a sensation of joy was felt within the body it was noted. What I discovered was that joy comes in the observation of all that there is happening in life when there is no comparison, judgement, right or wrong, good or bad, should and should-nots going on in one’s head.
Coming from a point of observation, there is space to gather understanding or realise how every scenario taking place in every moment is a part of God’s plan. Not with a complacent acceptance but with a knowing that God’s hands are held firmly on the helm. It is, for me, ‘Letting go and Letting God’, thus allowing him to steer the way. Letting go has led to an expanded awareness and clarity in a glorious way.
It is knowing that every thought, issue, situation or occurrence is but a ploy to keep me discombobulated and out of sorts within myself, contributing to negative states of being, bringing forth reactions or resistance to what is, which leaves me miserable and dejected, certainly ‘not joyful’. So how can the amazing JOY of my Divine essence be ignited, shared and expressed under such a cloud? It cannot!
What I discovered is that when a detached overview of life is taken, a lightness of being can be brought to dispel the tensions of disharmonious situations.
And when there is settlement in my body and a loving connectedness to my heart, joy naturally bubbles up from within, then gently percolates outwardly and is fully expressed when I deeply connect to another.
Life becomes joy-full if self is out of the way and a loving connection is being made to my inner world, then a joyous journey of deepening into the stillness takes place, an ease, a settlement then commences to descend into the body where joy resides.
And so ends my long search for joy – no more struggle, but a surrender, a letting go and allowing the transparency of who I truly am to shine forth in its full radiance. I am opening my heart and observing the world in all its various intricacies and complexities from a place of detachment, whilst embracing all my qualities and taking them out into the world ‘in-joy’.
Avril McK., Australia
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